There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza,
There’s a hole.
Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
When we slip in our sexual purity journey it’s a good idea to look for holes.
• None of us will have a foolproof strategy.
• None of us are fully mature.
• None of us can anticipate every trigger or temptation that will come our way.
• None of us can see every angle of our heart to know every vulnerability.
But the men and women who are doing well in their sexual purity journeys are the ones who are paying attention to the holes and fixing them.
Some Holes Are Tripping Us Up Right Now
We know about these holes, and we are allowing them to exist. We are tripping up sexually over them.
- An unprotected computer or phone
- Magazines around the house
- Sensual TV channels or satellite radio channels
- People we are still friends with that pull us away from purity
- A sexual relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend
- Having no strategy for your business travel
- Secret sexual sins you are holding on to and have still not confessed
- An Email account or a PO Box that nobody knows about
Some Hole Haven’t Tripped Us Up – YET
We know about these holes, but we don’t think they’re that bad. We think we’re strong enough to handle them.
- Knowing the code to the TV
- Knowing the password to our computer filtering program
- Haven’t installed accountability software yet
- Haven’t disabled Safari on my phone
- Having access to triggery sites, apps, or I-pod content
- Your wife has hidden certain books or magazines around the house but you know where they are
Some Holes Have Loose Plugs
We’re letting our strategy slide. We loosen up our boundaries and begin to drift toward sin. We aren’t running red lights, but we’re speeding through the yellow lights.
- Hanging around chatrooms, Craigslist, Facebook, Flickr, and other sites that can be a problem
- Longer conversations with the girl at work
- Starting to fantasize again
- Allow other thoughts to enter your head when you being intimate with your spouse
- Surfing the channels secretly hoping something pops up
Maybe we haven’t “technically” crossed our boundaries lines, but when we have loose plugs we’re flirting with danger.
Some Holes Have to Be Pointed Out By Others
We won’t be able to identify all the holes in our strategy. We need the objectivity of others in our lives. We need individuals who know our junk and to whom we are accountability. We also need the perspective that a mature, spiritual person can offer to help us find holes.
Some Holes Have to Be Discovered By Failure
Experience and failure are great teachers. We hate failing, but there are some lessons we won’t learn until we fail.
How to Plug Up and Seal the Holes
1. Confess the slips and confess the holes – We have to bring our struggles and holes into the light. We can’t manage them alone.
2. Talk to someone about the temptations you feel – Deep work in recovery happens when you start talking about the “pulls” you’re having. What are you leaning toward? What’s pushing your buttons? What’s tempting to you? What is your mind preoccupied with or fantasizing about?
3. Raise the bar. Move back the boundaries. – If we’re flirting with holes and “almost” slipping, the bar is not high enough. We are guaranteed to fail again. Re-evalute your boundaries and bounce them off someone in your support team.
4. Build a strategy around your struggles – If we’re failing in an area or feeling tempted, we need a strategy. Set up roadblocks, accountability & find healthy directions to go instead.
5. Get accountability – Bringing others into our lives has to be part of our purity journey. We are not strong enough to maintain purity on our own. A huge part of God’s plan involves “one another”. Holes won’t get plugged up long-term without the help of others.
Stay engaged. Look for holes. Allow others to help you in developing your purity strategy. And follow through when a hole is exposed.
XXXChurch.com is a fantastic place to start. Leave a comment. Sharing. Leave a confessional.
About the Author: Jeff Fisher is a blogger and podcaster from Raleigh, NC. Deep recovery began when his pornography addiction caused him to lose his ministry position. For the first time, he began discovering the sexual health that God intended for him and for his marriage. Jeff and his wife Marsha run Porn To Purity.com, a site designed to offer hope, encouragement, and resources to individuals and couples struggling with sexual sin. His podcast “Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast” can be found on I-Tunes.