[Editor’s Note: At XXXchurch we try to incorporate a variety of voices when it comes to addressing issues such as porn ,sex, mental health, and wellness. Avatari came to us as young musician who is passionate about sharing his story and message of hope and self-healing through music. He describes himself as “an alt rock superhero, who battles his ferocious internal demons through soulful modern rock anthems. He uses cinematic storytelling and acting paired with his painfully revealing lyrics, dynamic stage persona, and a path of self healing to bring unity and freedom to a world filled with divisive darkness.” We wanted to share Avatari’s message because we believe that there are many out there who will resonate with his experiences and creative expression. In fact, it was this song about porn that put Avatari on our radar and led to us having him join our content team.]
False Evidence Appearing Real.
Future Events Already Ruined.
F Everything and Run.
Ever heard any of these? Depending on the situation, these little acronyms have helped me a lot. Part of my story is that I’m an addict. Mainly, I identify as an alcoholic and drug addict—in recovery. But the longer I’m in recovery, the more I see that addiction is a free-flowing condition.
It’s a mindset.
And regardless of the addiction of choice, it feeds on fear.
- Fear of failure.
- Fear of success.
- Fear of responsibility.
- Fear of not fitting in.
And of course, the big kahuna… fear of death. The great darkness that is waiting for us all. [Not trying to be morbid here. Trust me. There is a happy(ish) ending.]
I’ve been thinking about my own mortality lately. As I age, as my parents age, and as my children grow up, it’s all been a reflection to me that our time on this planet—and in this dimension—is temporary. Typically, dwelling on this topic can make me seize up.
But I’ve been working on flipping it.
The way I see it, I have two options on how to cope with death:
- Option A) I can live in fear, conscious or unconscious. Play it safe, seize up, and try to escape the inevitable.
- Option B) I can embrace death. Make friends with it. And live as freely as I possibly can, with no regrets.
I’ll admit, most of the time, I probably sit somewhere in the middle. But I’ve been working on leaning toward Option B.
I’ve also expanded my definition of the fear of death. It’s not just the physical death of my body. It’s the death of my ego.
What does that look like?
For me, primarily, it means the fear of vulnerability. Essentially: “If I reveal this part of myself, then I will be judged and potentially cast away. And it will be painful, like a miniature death.”
It is my belief that this is the very thing that keeps 99% of us from fulfilling our ultimate purpose and from experiencing happiness. Because we are unknowingly driven by the desire to feel safe.
And although, in reality, we generally aren’t risking life and limb by speaking our deepest truths, we are risking something else: feeling uncomfortable. So, at the end of the day, I find myself working on embracing this uncertainty daily. I’m working on embracing my own uncomfortable feelings.
Can you relate? Or did I go off grid?
My mind has been in this zone lately because, aside from being a recovering addict, I am also an artist—a musician and an actor. And I recently wrote a song called My Skin, which is all about the idea of mortality and the layers of skin that I wear to get through life and to protect myself. I’m not sure if it’s the chicken or the egg: Did I write this song because I’m thinking about this topic, or am I thinking about death, honesty, and vulnerability because I wrote a song called My Skin?
Either way, it has been an opportunity for me to examine my own path and ask myself a few questions:
- Am I living my life to its fullest?
- Am I living in the moment?
- Am I embracing death?
What if I reversed the acronyms I shared earlier and switched them to:
- Face Everything And Rise
- Feeling Excited And Ready
- Focus Energy And Respond
Just a thought…