Are you ready? This is going to shock you… You may think porn doesn’t affect you when it comes to dating. But what about your dates, how might it affect them?
I would hope that we can all agree that at the simplest level, dating is at least about spending time with someone you enjoy being with and hopefully having your conduct influence them in a positive way that they would like to spend more time with you. What happens beyond that is open ended.
So how can porn affect that initial process? I think all would agree that porn has the tendency to influence our thoughts with unreal expectations. I am a Graphic Designer by trade, and Photoshop is my main tool. We all have seen the examples of how models are NOTHING like they are represented in advertising, yes they are women, beautiful, and sexy. But in real life they have lots of imperfections. This is a readily seen and understood example of how things that are unreal may influence our thoughts and perceptions. If we expect our dates to look like the models we see, you will NEVER be satisfied. The most beautiful model has cellulite, or pimples, or saggy boobs, or a bit of a roll around her belly, etc. Take that principle and apply it to porn, and especially with a steady diet of it, imagine how it will make you have an unreal expectation of how your relationship may progress or even how you may chose to decide who you would like to date. Maybe there is a really attractive lady that smiles at you and you strike up a conversation with her thinking maybe you might be interested in her. Then all of a sudden you notice that she is totally flat chested. Oops, that is my biggest turn on and she ain’t got it. I guess I better move on.
I know I am making it sound very simplistic, but I think you get the picture. Then think about how that nice looking, funny girl that obviously thought you were interesting might feel about herself when she is ignored once again and feels like an ugly duckling because for “some reason” guys don’t continue to pursue her. I’d hope that we all are not so self centered that we don’t care about how we make other people feel. I believe that when the Bible tells us we are created in God’s image and likeness that it means we all, even before we receive new life in Christ, have in our DNA the basic desires and needs that our loving Father in Heaven has. That includes wanting people to feel better having spent time with us. How might porn negatively persuade us to do this? You can take this idea of how unrealistically porn influences our search for selecting dates and keep expanding from there. We saw her-check, she smiled back-check, she has those nice looking boobs-check, she dresses kind of sexy… check, check, check… uh-oh-deal breaker-she won’t have sex with me, she won’t show me her boobs, bye-bye. We can easily and even unknowingly let this unreal attitude cause great hurt and disappointment in the ones we look at as potential dates or those we are in a relationship with.
Dating is ultimately, by the standard definition, the pursuit of a mate. Imagine if one of those nice young women that didn’t match up to the unreal expectations that porn has placed in your thinking would have otherwise been the perfect mate for you. The life long partner that you desire. The wonderful woman to love you, raise your kids and get old together. But you missed it. You not only may have made her feel inadequate and unlovable by not meeting the “Photoshopped” standards set for her. But you may have missed what God has desired for you. The brief and momentary “pleasure” of porn, and the resulting guilt and shame that so often if not always accompany it, has replaced a life long goal. It happens all too often. The good news is that if you see that in you and you say enough is enough, it isn’t too late. See it, repent, dust yourself off and say. “Not for me! God help me!”… And He will. It really is in our best interests to not just make the easy, self-serving decisions. For ourselves and those we pursue. Does porn affect your dating life? Do you think spending hours perusing car magazines, and watching videos about the newest coolest cars has any affect on the type of car we buy?