“They triumphed over him by the blood of the lamb and the power of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink form death.” (Revelation 12:11).
This verse comes to us in the context of a vision John has of an apocalyptic battle, where a voice from Heaven is declaring this victory that has been gained over Satan and his armies. For me, the victory came in a similar style.
The blood of the lamb was the first thing I needed. I needed the power of the resurrection of Christ. I needed something greater than myself to believe in, because I just wasn’t cutting it.
At the height of my addiction I was attending Bible college and looking at porn almost daily (kind of a big no-no). I was still reading scripture, praying, and attending church, but I was giving up. I felt as though I was doing all I could but my addiction was still winning. I was in more turmoil than the music industry when “Gangnam Style” topped the charts. It was that serious. I would suffer from anxiety attacks at the thought of looking at porn, but porn was the only solution for the anxiety, how paradoxical.
I was also seeing two different girls who both had some experience making porn. I felt as though God was not helping and I was more miserable than I had ever been. Because of this I concluded I would feel better giving into the lusts of my heart rather than trying to fight them. So I attempted to get work making porn films with these girls I knew. Fortunately, the porn industry is not short on male performers and I was unable to work with these ladies. I was such a failure that my plan to give up had failed. I felt trapped in hopelessness and suicide appeared to be a reasonable escape.
The only thing that kept me around was Jesus. I knew what the blood of the lamb meant in my life even if I didn’t feel empowered. It meant there was hope. So I kept fighting.
I had been seeking employment in the porn industry because I loved porn, I loved the desires of my heart, and I loved my lustful life. When I applied the last part of Revelation 12:11 to my life, things changed. I no longer loved my Earthly life so much and I did not shrink from death. I invited death into my life; the death of my selfishness.
I sought out stricter accountability, upgraded to X3 Watch Pro, and I found mature mentors to guide me. I tried various groups including Sex Addicts Anonymous and finally I humbled myself and went to see a Christian Behavioral Psychologist.
The victory came when I began talking openly about my porn addiction. I discovered “The power of their testimony” in my own life. I had always thought I couldn’t talk about my testimony concerning porn because I was still looking at porn. This was a lie. Satan wants us to remain quiet, but the first time I shared my testimony and spoke in terms of victory rather than captivity I felt the warm fluid of freedom flowing throughout my soul.
If you have reached the point of giving up, If you are ready to hand yourself over to your addiction, stop.
It is time to let go of your life. It is time to recognize the power of the blood of the lamb, and it is time to declare your testimony in victorious terms.
One of my favorite quotes comes from an unlikely source: Former UFC Fighter and TV personality Jason “Mayhem” Miller. Miller says, “I became successful just by sticking with it. It’s funny how when you don’t give up sometimes you win by default.”
Take Miller’s advice and don’t give up, with Jesus we have already won by default.
So what’s your testimony?
Brett W. Sheppard is a Connoisseur of Fine things and a College Student studying Social Work.
Twitter: @BrettWSheppard