Every day we make thousands of choices that shape who we are. These choices impact our lives and the lives of those around us. My dad often reminded me to make good choices. I passed on his advice to my children as they were growing up. Perhaps Dad heard this from former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, who said,

“The choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.”

For recovering addicts and their spouses, the journey toward healing, reconciliation, and flourishing in marriage is littered with choices. Both parties face numerous challenges as they navigate the path to recovery and strive to rebuild trust. By making intentional, positive choices, it is possible to pave the way for a fulfilling and harmonious future together.

Choose Honesty

One of the foundational aspects of reestablishing connection is the commitment to open and honest communication. It’s essential for both parties to agree to create safety as we express our thoughts, emotions, and concerns openly and respectfully. By doing so, we can foster a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives and resolve conflicts constructively.

Choose Compassion

Even if it doesn’t come naturally, cultivating empathy and compassion is vital. We can choose to understand and validate each other’s experiences without minimizing or dismissing one another’s feelings. We benefit by practicing active listening and demonstrating empathy towards the struggles we each face. When we feel safe, we can express compassion more freely. As we are being heard, we dare to continue rebuilding our bond.

Choose Support

We heal in community, not in insolation. We all have made terrible choices when we feel alone, inferior, stressed, or exhausted. Begin by talking with one or two friends who will not judge or criticize choices that have kept you in a cycle of addiction or in an attitude of self-righteousness. Seek support by joining a safe and confidential community where members are pursuing freedom and wholeness by encouraging each other to make healthier choices. Check out the variety of support we offer on our blog and through our weekly Small Groups Online.

Choose Growth

Choosing to be honest and compassionate, and finding support for yourself are keys to growth. In order to transform your relationship, you must be committed to personal growth: mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally. Find a therapist who specializes in the specific area you need help. A professional counselor can also help you address tough issues and have open conversations with your spouse to overcome those hot topics with mutual understanding and care. 

Questions for Growth

  • How can you respond to stress or triggers in ways that promote growth? 
  • How do you turn from bitterness or anger to beneficial expressions of emotion? 
  • What quotes, books, podcasts, or songs cause you to feel more like your true self? 

Practice Making Good Choices

Learn from your mistakes. Embrace failures as opportunities to learn and grow and use them to inform future choices. Perfection is not the goal. Ultimately, choosing to reconcile, heal, and flourish in marriage demands patience, understanding, and an unwavering dedication to positive change. 

The Choices We Make Are Ultimately Our Responsibility 

Better choices are possible when we’re honest and compassionate with ourselves, God, and others and when we participate in a support group. Then we experience personal growth, week by week, over the course of time. 

When committed to making changes, both parties lay groundwork for a resilient and fulfilling relationship. Through conscious and intentional choices, it is possible to overcome challenges, nurture trust, and cultivate a thriving relationship amidst the process of recovery.