New Year’s Day in Los Angeles, Pasadena to be specific, is always clear blue skies for the annual Rose Parade and Rose Bowl. This year the LA skies grew dark with smoke and ash as fires sparked unfathomable disaster just days later. Change happened quickly.Fires continue burning and we see and feel sadness, loss, and devastation. This sort of news makes headlines. What doesn’t make headlines for long is the restoration process after the wind calms, the ashes settle, and blue skies return. 

This visual can also be true for individuals who struggle with porn or unwanted sexual behaviors. You, like residents of the impacted communities in LA, don’t need to sit in the rubble for long. Assess your life and longing to be fulfilled and create a recovery plan. 

Prepare for Success

It can be hard to overcome unhealthy thoughts and lifestyle patterns. Having a plan helps you succeed at your job or the gym, as well as your relationships and recovery. 

Here are four ways to set yourself up for success: 

  1. Nurture a growth mindset
  2. Include your spouse in your recovery
  3. Stay focused on restoring your relationships
  4. Find support to carry you through

Nurture a Growth Mindset

Creating a healthy mindset, developing helpful spiritual habits, and prioritizing your most intimate relationships–in a sense, watering them daily–brings life where there once was loss. Your thoughts matter. Your choices matter. You and your relationships matter. Science confirms that sustained practice of new behaviors can alter the neural pathways in your brain.

A common phrase is, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” What changes can you focus on this year to have a healthy mind and flourishing relationships? Creating clear, measurable, and reasonable goals is a good place to start. Focus your time and energy on how you want to spend your days and improve healthy connections. 

Spouses in Recovery

If you are married or in an intimate relationship, your partner has been impacted by your choices whether you’ve told her or not. Her world is rocked when she learns what’s been going on without her knowledge. Trust vanishes. 

Honesty is the bedrock of reconciliation. Regaining her trust takes more time than you would like, but it’s worth every effort. Spouses benefit when a husband brings his wife into his recovery process by telling the truth and making changes in his behavior. Extinguish hostilities and nurture safety in your relationship. 

Stay Focused

Changes don’t come naturally to any of us. Consistency is key. Practice mindfulness as you think about yourself and others. Perfection is not the goal. Progress is what you’re aiming for this year. If you mess up, take a breath and choose differently next time. Imagine how it might feel a year from now when you’re in the habit of making more choices you can be proud of. 

Reconciliation requires both partners to work on themselves individually with a counselor, consistent accountability, and a support group. You can’t do this alone. You and your spouse will need people to walk with you through the ups and downs of the recovery process. 

Find Support

Telling someone else what you’re going through is a key component of owning your mistakes. When in the swirl of anxious or addictive thoughts, you don’t always have a clear perspective. When a spouse is full of anger, resentment, or hopelessness her vision of a brighter future is blurry. Join our app-based community for men or spouses today. It may be the best gift you give yourself and your partner this year.

Live Free Small Groups Online offers weekly small groups for men, pastors, men struggling with same-sex attraction, for women who struggle with porn or unwanted sexual behaviors, as well as groups for women in relationships with men who struggle with porn or unwanted sexual behaviors and groups for women who are divorced or separated as a result of betrayal.

Finding Freedom and Fulfillment

Don’t let the dried-out parts of your life be consumed by the fire of selfishness or short-sightedness. Being mindful, including your spouse in your recovery, staying focused on your goals, and seeking support set you up for success. May this be the year you overcome the fear of being truly known and find lasting freedom and fulfillment.