“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.” —Marcus Tullius Cicero.
This quote has always resonated deeply with me. Gratitude isn’t just a virtue; it’s the number one virtue at the core of my recovery. I feel this truth. And if I’m being honest with myself, I can gauge how spiritual I’m feeling and behaving by the degree of gratitude I’m living in.
When I’m a little on the “dry” side, like clockwork, I find myself leaning into restlessness, irritability, and discontent. I’m quicker to anger. I judge others. What I have never seems quite enough. I start looking outside myself for a fix. My world begins to feel darker.
When I shift into gratitude, all of that starts to change. I feel a bit more relaxed (like my shoulders actually drop an inch or two). I appreciate others, even their occasionally annoying—but more often endearing—eccentricities. I’m less judgmental, especially of myself. I’m more focused on what’s happening inside of me and within my actual sphere of influence, rather than on everything outside of me. I often find myself thinking, “I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”
Same guy, same circumstances—almost an opposite experience of life. Crazy, right?
I’m often baffled at the range of experiences I’m capable of. So this raises the question: How do I “shift into gratitude?” Is it really that easy? Sometimes, it can be.
I’m no wizard. And frankly, I’m highly imperfect. If I listed all my imperfections here, you’d probably either start laughing or stop reading. But one thing I’ve done consistently over the past twenty years since beginning my recovery is practicing a program. Now, the word “program” used to freak me out. I associated it with becoming robotic, brainwashed, or joining a cult. But what I’ve come to realize is that “program” can just be another word for “practice.”
One part of my practice is writing a gratitude list each morning: at least five things I’m grateful for. Does it have to be in the morning? Could I do it at lunchtime or before bed? Absolutely—you can do it whenever you want. It’s never a bad thing. For me, I choose to do it in the morning because the sooner I can “get my head right,” the better chance I have of giving my best day. And my head starts spinning the moment I wake up.
A couple of tips I’ve picked up:
1. I try not to overthink my gratitudes. I write down whatever comes to mind first. I don’t have to stop at five; it can be ten, twenty, or beyond. But I challenge myself to find at least five. If I’m struggling, it’s a sign I need a big attitude adjustment.
2. “Pro Tip” (just kidding, I’m no pro)—just a guy recovering from years of self-centered addiction. But I’ve found it helpful to turn the list into spoken words. After writing my list, I center myself, take a deep breath, and speak each gratitude out loud—to the world, to the universe. It helps me truly feel and own what I’m grateful for.
Then, I close my journal and go about my day. What does this “do”?
I try not to think about the results too much—it’s like watching water boil. If I’m too focused on waiting for things to “happen,” it feels like nothing is happening.
But what I’ve noticed over years of practicing this is that my relationship with gratitude has completely transformed. I feel closer to my wife and children. I love my work and am grateful for it. I get less bent out of shape when things don’t go my way or when people don’t behave as I think they should.
Is my life perfect? HECK NO. Am I perfect? DOUBLE HECK NO.
But the current of my life flows a bit more easily, and my heart feels a little more open.