I was never really good at remembering the characters of Greek mythology in high school English class. Each of the gods was related to or fighting against each other on some level and it just didn’t make sense to me because it was so far-fetched and removed from reality.
In the same way that Greek mythology isn’t true, the myths that surround sex, recovery, and marital intimacy are glaringly untrue as well.
My body wasn’t made to just be objectified for sexual pleasure.
My sexual conversation wasn’t made to be given away to anyone who desires it.
My sexual bonding actually does happen with every sexual encounter I have.
I think back to a recent college course when I learned about Biblical times. The people of Ephesus thought their mythological gods were highly sexual, and therefore needed to be worshipped in a pornographic way inside their temple.
This ritual was done by providing “worshippers” with temple prostitutes. They did “worship” in the temple itself right next to what we would consider a modern-day ATM.
But Paul wrote to teach the people about a different God, one who doesn’t require buying sex, giving money, or earning your way to be close to Him. Ephesians 2 outlines a different way to worship Him, for His pleasure IS to give us His love, grace, and mercy instead of taking away our dignity through degradation.
The God of the Bible didn’t require sex or payment from us to be with Him, but instead offered the true intimacy of relationship, without strings.
Jesus offered His love freely and unconditionally through sacrificing His own body.
When my late husband offered to be intimate with me during the time we were married, he wooed me to himself. He spoke kindly to me and pursued me so that I would be close to him and know through his actions and words that he loved me. This caused me to open up to him.
I received his love and accepted his invitation to marital intimacy.
This is the true picture of how God designed sex because the Creator pursues us and wants us to be close to Him, solely for the purpose of knowing Him more deeply and joining us to Him in fellowship and love.
My body is made for connection with the Creator, for His pleasure – which means that I live out my sexuality within the context of marriage. The Creator also lovingly designed sex in marriage for one person who is meant to have access to all of me, until death parts us.
Since my late husband died from cancer and I’m no longer married, I’m waiting to have sex again until in the context of marriage. Before marriage, I was promiscuous for 11 years and knew what the other side of the fence looked like.
I lived like the gods of the Greek myths, the myths of the people of Ephesus in Biblical times, and even the current cultural myths that say it doesn’t matter how many people or times I have sex because sex is just biology and doesn’t mean anything.
After marriage, I had tangible proof that God’s design for sex is fundamentally different.
But how do I withhold myself from sexual touch from another, or even with myself? The Lord God Almighty has given me His presence and my personal sexuality in the context of my singleness is at peace.
Some days are easier than others, I won’t lie. Shame from my past actions as well as mistakes I’ve made in my five years of being single again has tempted me to pursue alternative avenues, return to my old life and buy into the lies of these sexual myths.
But then I remember what God has done for me, the freedom I have in Christ, and the beautiful bonding experience of married sex. And my soul is satisfied to wait another day.
After all, today is all we have. So let’s make the best use of our bodies with today and not let shame win.
God’s design for sex is best!
If your shame tempts you to buy into cultural myths, I highly recommend reading When Shame Gets Real. It’s a raw and real journey that will be a beacon of light to all the dark places of your soul that you may be tempted to believe can’t be fixed.
God’s love will free you from any part of your shame. I’m living proof of it, and you can be too!
As always, ask us anything during Office Hours. We’re here to answer absolutely any question about sex, porn, masturbation, affairs, etc. Nothing is off-limits.
And don’t let shame silence you.
The second you talk about the shame inside is when the healing begins. Let that be TODAY!!!