Hidden sins of the mind/using old memories of porn/women/undressing them in the mind.
I am a thinker. I like to think about things all the time. Random things. Sometimes I will have a small thought and I will write it down and right before bed time read it again, just to have something to think about all night. Maybe I’m the only one. I love good “think sessions” I call them. I sit and have a meeting with myself. One, two, sometimes four hours. I just sit and think.
Sometimes I find my thoughts wandering. I can be in mid prayer and my thoughts will go back to my past. The porn, the masturbation, the sex (random and otherwise). I find myself beginning to go back to those times. The smell, feel, sounds, pictures.
Memories are so powerful and sometimes completely overwhelming. At the moment I began feeling everything again, I had a thought, “Is this a sin?” I mean they are memories. Could this be a sin. I am aroused, yes, but this isn’t porn. I’m not having sex. So how could this be wrong.
The Lord quickly stepped in and as he normally does he let me know what I needed to do. Go to the word for my answer. First I was pointed to Proverbs 23:7 “7For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. As one who reckons, he says to you, eat and drink, yet his heart is not with you [but is grudging the cost].”
You see when we have these thoughts we begin to go back to a time in our lives we are trying to move away from. We are trying to move on and our mind, as weak and strong as it may be, is a tool the enemy will use against us. When you are reeling from an addiction, your mind is weak. Your spirit is weak. Your soul is weak. You have broken down, abused, violated, and nearly murdered your own body and the cost is weakness. As with any wound it can and will take time for it to heal. That time must be allowed to take place. You have to give your body and mind the healing it deserves and needs to live a new and joy filled life.
We cannot allow memories of past sins to shape a Christ like future. The thoughts will come. I can nearly promise you that. The enemy will try anything he can to take over. One moment of weakness is all he needs in order to take over your mind momentarily.
So how do you stop it? What do you do to protect your mind and heart. I have found that simply relying on and reading Philippians 4:8 can truly change my mind and thoughts. The verse reads, “8For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].”
There is no easy way to change your mind. However there are things you can think on or as the prior verse says “fix your minds on” and you can slowly begin to push out the bad thoughts and welcome in pure and honest ones.