The beginning is never that bad. I look at how I got my start in porn this pops in my head time and time again….
It’s not that bad. I grew up Catholic but by middle/high school we rarely went to Church. I had some morals, believed in Jesus and God but hated the Church and stopped going (A little background before you know the direction I started on). Isn’t odd that something so destructive can start out as something so small?
I remember being attracted to women in ads that came in the newspaper and masturbating to that when I was 12/13. Soon it wasn’t enough. I was 14 in 1996, I was in a normal inner city public school, porn was in some conversations among guys and having no clue what they meant. What is porn I would always ask myself, but I wouldn’t ask anyone about it and we didn’t have a computer with internet at the house to check. Two years later my friend and I would go and rent movies and soon part of the movies we would watch would be classified as “soft core porn.” Once every while we would get online and do general searches for porn. I still wouldn’t classify myself as having a problem.
Then as a high school senior, I started to date a girl that was a junior in college. She was great but there was issues I had with sex and we wouldn’t have sex.
A guy turning down sex, yep, I was ‘that guy’. In order to persuade me to have sex, my girlfriend would rent porn movies. While we didn’t have sex, we did mess around and do other sexual activities. She would show me the porn movies in order to get us to mess around and hope to lead me to sex. Eventually her efforts to force sex among several issues, we broke up. I was a virgin to intercourse, but not to porn. I got a couple of porns from a relative and would watch maybe once or twice a week (at most). I became baptized Christian around this time but never thought of talking about an issue that could keep me from getting to know God better. Three or four months later I started dating a new girl who I eventually married.
While I took my virginity into the relationship, I also took porn. We had sex before we were married and we just looked at porn as something that added to the sexual experience. Porn was normal in our relationship, we both brought it into the relationship. We would rent porns to watch while having sex, read stories on sex and were caught in a very sexual relationship even while getting closer to getting married. Before I knew it, I was down a path far from return.
I would watch porn more and seek it on the computer even when my fiancé wasn’t around. Porn was a part of our relationship and soon would almost take our relationship away. Something so small turned into so much more and as I look back I can’t believe… The beginning is never that bad.