Accountability is essential in the recovery process as it can help prevent relapse, maintain sobriety, pursue personal growth, and ultimately create lasting change. Support is the fuel to be able to face and deal with life when trials and discouragements present themselves. Choosing a strong and trusted accountability partner that is the best fit can be a little intimidating. There are some very key traits and characteristics that you can seek. And before we consider those specifics, let’s rule out a spouse as a possibility. S/he cannot be your accountability partner because s/he needs to focus on her/his own healing and recovery. And it can potentially create more trauma, which is very damaging.
So, what are the key traits and characteristics of a strong, trusted, accountability partner? Someone who:
- Can empathize with your struggles because of firsthand experience. There is a powerful sense of relief when individuals discover that they are not alone in their affliction. No deed or thought lies fully outside the human experience of other people. When you realize the universality of pain and suffering, you are less tempted to condemn yourself. You recognize that shame and wrath are not a repercussion of sharing. The trust and courage of one individual can open the door of disclosure for another. Authenticity is demonstrated and embraced.
- Is further along in the process of recovery. There needs to be some familiarity with the process of growth in order to prevent the blind leading the blind. Increased self awareness, emotional stability, modeling healthy behavior, boundaries and assertive communication are fundamental in providing effective support for others.
- Has her/his own support system. This is imperative to avoid toxic dependency. In order for an accountability partner to be fully present, s/he needs to be able to process personal issues outside of the accountability partner relationship dynamic.
- Can recognize your lies. Having people in your life who will be honest is a necessity. It’s important to know where you are wrong and where you need to change. Blind spots, resistance to taking ownership and defiance toward change all elicit outside intervention. While painful and conflictual at times, the process of intervention can be critical to rescue individuals from ultimate destruction. Genuine progress in recovery hinges on honesty. And honesty fosters trust. Dishonesty lends to a higher risk for relapse and prevents you from doing the real work of recovery and being able to identify the underlying causes and contributing factors.
- Moves you toward connection with God and others. Developing a personal, deep relationship with God can lead you to becoming the unique individual that He created you to become. And relationships with others are fundamental and necessary; just as fundamental as our need for food and shelter. Connection with others contributes to health and happiness.
In addition to finding an accountability partner(s), consider adding an additional layer of support by getting X3watch and download accountability software – Strengthen your commitment to sobriety by using accountability software like X3watch, which provides real time monitoring and alerts, helping you stay accountable and avoid temptations.
Accountability and support are critical to the progress and success of your recovery. However, not just any accountability or support is beneficial. A qualified and effective accountability partner will empathize due to personal experience, is further along in the process, has her/his own support system, can recognize your lies and moves you toward connection with God and others. You can’t white knuckle your way to recovery and healing. Is there someone you know that checks the boxes? Consider reaching out today.
References:
Cloud, Dr. Henry & Townsend, Dr. John. Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t. Michigan, Zondervan, 1995.
Yalom, Irvin D. & Leszcz, Molyn. The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. New York, Basic Books, 2005.