I recently read an article with this great quote, “Most men have, at some point, feared not being masculine enough, especially in the bedroom. Pornography speaks to that fear.” All of us at some point and time have felt inadequate as husbands, lovers, fathers or as employees.
Remember the game we use to play as kids King of the Hill. The game is played by picking a king to stand at the top of the hill. Then each player takes a turn by running up the hill as fast as they can, trying to knock off the king. If the king is knocked off, the next person becomes the king. If the king is not knocked off, then the line keeps going until someone finally knocks off the king. The game is played until the king is able to remain king through the entire line of players. This game is usually played by the boys. It is a game of dominance. One thing is immediately obvious about King-of-the-Hill masculinity: Not everyone can win. In fact, there’s only one real man (king) at any given moment. In a system based on hierarchy, by definition there can be only one person at the top of the hierarchy. There’s only one King of the Hill.
In real life men are in constant struggle with each other for dominance. We want to feel like we are the best. When we get these feelings of not being up to par especially in the bedroom here comes porn whispering in our ear. It does not yell out at us like some carnies wanting us to spend out money on some fixed game at the fair. That soft voice is telling us “ You are the man and you can be the man if you just come on over”. Porn producers know our weakness. Why do you think they put out such a smorgasbord of porn? I don’t believe that there is an area of sex that has gone untouched by the industry. You have everything from man and women to a women taking 4 men at once. If you want to talk degrading there you go. But we desensitize ourselves so much all we see is what we want to see. We see a naked women having sex. We put our self in the role of dominating male.We dont pay attention to the look of pain on the womens face, or wonder if she is being forced into this. I promise you that look of pain is not always acting! When we are done we cut off the computer or the DVD player and are one our way until next time.
I heard a story recently about a women named Linda, a project manager,who was married to a guy named Steven whose addiction to porn was horrible. His interest in sex skyrocketed. Soon after they got married, he became unemployed and started spending hours looking at porn, often saving clips on her computer because she had cable and he had only dial-up. Although Linda was coming home exhausted from her graduate program, Steven wanted to have sex three or four times a night, and would often editorialize during the act. We would be in the middle of sex, and he’d say, This is great, but this is how you could do it better, and he’d pull out his laptop. Steven was far from selfish in bed. He wanted to please her but became so obsessive she felt pressured. He needed to prove to himself that he was really good. Before she met Steven, Linda had watched porn with boyfriends .Steven was very big on women on their knees performing on a man, stuff that seemed degrading. If she said she didn’t want sex, he’d turn on the computer and masturbate in front of her. As time went on and I got more disgusted, I’d just leave him there on the couch, go into the bathroom, and wash my hands.
When they were in bed together, he was so controlling that she became afraid to be spontaneous. It got to the point where there were no surprises, says Linda. I wasn’t saying, Oh honey, let’s try this. It was more like, Oh. This again.
This relationship made me wonder, Am I really that bad at sex? she says. “And then I realized I wasn’t a porn star. I was a girl in a relationship with someone she loved.”
Don’t use porn to make you feel like a man! You will FAIL every time! Be the man God wants you to be. Be like David. It says in Acts 13 “I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.” Honor your wife or girlfriend and stay away from porn it only leads to destruction.Be all God wants you to be, put some holy sweat into your relationships! If you’re married, you need to live out Ephesians 5:25-31: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (v. 25). For those who are fathers, God provides a workout in one pungent sentence: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Until next time….