Our Saturday Men’s Purity Group is getting a lot of new guys lately.  Many guys who are new to recovery believe the primary goal is:  Stop my bad behaviors (adultery, looking at porn, masturbating, etc.).   That’s an important goal, of course, but sexual addiction recovery is much larger. 

God wants us to work on having a healthy sexuality.  That’s bigger than sobriety.

I’ve been working on a list of milestones.  It’s not a complete list… still a “work in progress”.  But it has helped me to see the bigger picture of recovery.

Q:  What would you add to the list?


  • Stop bad behaviors
  • Stop illicit relationships
  • Sobriety from masturbation
  • Sobriety from sex outside of marriage
  • Sobriety from looking at porn
  • Drop bad friendships
  • Put filters on your computer
  • Write out a defensive purity strategy
  • Write out an offensive purity strategy
  • Identify your triggers
  • Charting your priorities
  • Establish your bottom lines
  • Develop short-term strategies for dealing with triggers
  • Develop long-term strategies for dealing with triggers
  • Set goals
  • Devise a relapse prevention plan
  • Raising your bottom lines


  • Join a support group
  • Get a phone list
  • Pick up the phone and call another guy
  • Develop meaningful relationships with guys
  • Getting accountability with another guy or two
  • Serving not consuming
  • Understand the consequences
  • Seek forgiveness in ruptured relationships
  • Begin helping others with their sexual struggles


  • Begin reading recovery material
  • Read Breaking Free by Russell Willingham
  • Understand the “Four Core Lies of the Sex Addict” (Patrick Carnes from his book Out of the Shadows)
  • Channel your fantasy and thought life into a creative passion (journaling, blogging, drawing, making something with your hands, building project, work on your car)


  • Visit a counselor
  • Start sharing your junk
  • Openness with secrets and struggles
  • Sharing your story
  • Starting your 12-step work
  • Write out a sexual history
  • Go to a counseling intensive
  • Work on anger, resentment, unforgiveness with God and a counselor or experienced person


  • Share your story with a minister
  • Accept Christ as your Savior
  • Begin reading bible verses related to purity
  • Memorize verses to help your with purity
  • Write out a spiritual inventory
  • Have a deep understanding of your sin
  • Believe and accept the grace and love of God


  • Go to marital counseling
  • Ask forgiveness of your spouse and children
  • Share your story with your children.
  • Share the good things God is doing in your life with your children. 
  • Attend a marriage conference with your spouse (Love and Respect; Family Life Conference)

 Jeff Fisher is a blogger and podcaster living in Raleigh, North Carolina.  He and his wife run www.porntopurity.com.  Jeff’s podcast Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (I-Tunes) is one of the more popular podcasts on sexual addiction recovery. 

You can reach Jeff at [email protected]