This weeks blog is going to be a little different.I hear from people all the time who are hurting and reaching out. Many times I will respond back via email and try to give some words of encouragement. Most of the time the advice I give was given to me during my times of struggle.Instead of trying to come up with come catchy title and theme I decided to share some things from my life. Events that have led me to where I am today.
When I was age 9 I was sexually abused by someone in the church. This guy would show us pornographic material and abuse us.It wouldn’t always be at the same time.Sometimes he would just show us pictures and other times it would get physical.To this day I cant get some of the images our of my mind. But that would not be the first time I encountered porn. It was about a year before in elementary school. My best friend’s dad and older brothers had a stash. My friend would go in and rip out a few pages fold them up and smuggle them into school. They were always hidden in the inside pocket of his Members Only jacket. Then at recess we would head to this huge tree away from the teacher and he would pull out this torn,folded and worn out picture. All we could do is giggle and laugh. But one thing was certain even at that young age. I wanted more. It was up to our friend to smuggle newer pictures in. The guys loved recess. As the years passed and I grew older I still struggled with wanting to see more naked bodies. I believe that some of this desire came from the abuse. As time moved on in my teen years I can remember me and my buddies going to the video store looking through all the movies trying to figure out which ones might have nudity. We got pretty good at it. Even if it was nothing more that a boob shot we wanted it. I remember another time me and a bunch of my buddies when to one of our friends house and spent the night. His parents were on vacation so we had the house to ourselves. We ordered pizza and he pulled out all his dads x-rated movies. We stayed up all night watching them.I thought porn was nothing more than just a fun guys activity. Watching porn led to wanting to see the real things.By the age 18 just looking at magazines and watching movies wasn’t enough. I wanted to see the real deal. From that point on we started going to strip clubs. I thought I was the stuff. Here I am looking like Paul Blart thinking these women had the hots for me and my buddies. They only had the hots for us as long as we had the money. What started off as a one time look on the school playground had turned into more. What was next? Who knows.
I could go into so much more, but I am not. I don’t want you to think that I am proud of my actions. I am not, I’m ashamed! Just like many of you. I have had a false sense of what sex is suppose to be like. Women were objects for pleasure and that was it. I am happy to say that I have learned so much over the years. What have I learned you ask? That is an easy answer. I have learned that I can do nothing on my own. I have tried so many times. I can only over come my struggles through a relationship with Jesus. Jesus has helped take away my desires. But I have have had to do some work too. I have had to take responsability for my actions. The bible talks about this in 2 Peter when it says “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins”. It does not say that Jesus will fix it all. Although he will help it says “make every effort to add to your faith”. How can we help ourselves? We put measures in place to insure that we don’t look at porn.Put your computer in the family room, download programs like X3 Watch or Safe Eyes.Have people hold you accountable.Get rid of any movies and magazines you may have. Don’t just put them away in a box. Destroy them before they destroy you and your family. Find a good church get involved. There are a lot of really good churches out there that are not afraid to tackle the issues of sex and pornography. I have a lot to say about churches being afraid to cover those issues but I will save that for another blog.
I want you to know that I pray daily for those who struggle with porn addiction. I know your stuggles. To go along with the stories above my father lost his church due to a struggle with pornography. God has restored him. My prayer for him is that one day he will be able to share his story with you guys.I hope I have written somethings that you can relate to and use in your own life.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and do not rely on your own understanding”