I recently had a young man send me an email which said I have struggled and still do struggle at times with porn. I sent him an email back and gave him some advice. Being that he lived close by I invited him to dinner to discuss his situation. I asked him before we met up if he would willing to answer some questions that I could put on the blog. He was very cool with that. He said that if his struggle could help someone he would do it. Here are some of the questions and answers from our dinner.
Q: How old were you when you began looking at porn?
A: I was older I would say around 18. When I was living at home we had filters on the computer which shut it down at 9pm. To be honest it kind of made me want to know what I was being kept away from. So when I hit college I wanted to see what I was missing. I really wish I would have kept it a mystery.
Q: Did you think you starting out looking at porn that you would have a problem with it?
A: No. I thought I would be able to handle it. Just looking once in a while.After I started looking at it I made me feel good. When ever I felt inadequate I could look at porn and escape in to a fantasy world where nothing could go wrong. You can’t screw up your imagination.Then when its over you realize that everything just went wrong. I am left empty and full of guilt.
Q: Has porn effected you family in any way?
A: Yes. I grew up in a Christian home. My parents and I were active in the church ministry. My parents split up because of porn. My dad looked at it quite a bit. One time my mom found some porn on the computer and asked dad about it. Dad went on to blame it on me and my sister. I really wish that I could sit down and talk to my dad about this. I would like to share my struggles and his.I am able to talk with my mom about my struggle and she is a big help. Most guys wouldn’t talk to there moms about porn and most moms to be honest don’t want to listen. I consider myself lucky.
Q: Has it effected your relationship with your girlfriend?
A: Yes. I told her when I started looking at porn. She was deeply hurt and felt betrayed. But she stuck with me. She told me and I will never forget this “I forgive you, but remember those girls can never love you the way I do.” She also told me that she was upset because I was looking at things on other women the same things she was saving to show me when we got married.I recently had looked at porn after going several weeks with out looking at it. My girlfriend asked me how I was doing in that area and I started to cry. I told her what had happened and she forgave me and still calls me out.
Q: What have you done to keep yourself porn free?
A: I have done several things. One thing I did was install X3 Watch on my computer. This way someone can hold me accountable for my actions. I have also quit using the computer late at night.I am also going to be taking the X3 Pure program to help me get back on track. I have my girlfriend and my mom who will call me out too.
These were just a few questions I had for a real guy with a real life porn problem. He shared more detailed things that need not be repeated. His family was destroyed by porn and he knows what damage it can cause. I believe it scares him. He doesn’t want to carry the baggage of porn into a marriage someday. He is trying to stop it now before it gets out of hand. My family was destroyed by porn. We lost everything. My dad lost his ministry, the only thing he ever knew. Now after almost 20years he is attempting to rebuild what porn tore down. Its not and easy task. People say porn doesn’t hurt anybody, your dead wrong. I read daily about people who are struggling with porn and how it is destroying their lives. Don’t let porn destroy you or your family. Take the time today to talk with someone about your problem. Turn to Jesus, he loves you and wants to give you a better life through him. It says in Matthew to lay your burdens down. I cant think of a better place to lay your burdens than at the feet of Jesus.
Steve Oh
Love Jesus/Love People