Huh? I’m thinking for some of you the title of this post just elicited that response. Unable to have sex? What does that mean? Impotency? Barred from the bedroom? My wife just doesn’t do it for me anymore? {Insert your response here} Maybe a better way to put it is porn makes me unable to have healthy and meaningful sex with my wife. Why do I say this? Well there are a variety of reasons but I just want to focus on three.
First, porn teaches you that it’s all about one thing … you! Pornography addiction is a very selfish addiction by nature. In fact, I’d say that’s one of the reasons porn is so readily consumed. It taps into the selfish nature within all of us. Porn tells us that we can expect sex whenever we want, however we want, from whomever we want with no sense of obligation or responsibility and with no need for intimacy or emotional availability. Here’s the thing, in a marriage this type of mindset is disastrous. You can’t bring this type of “one-way” mindset into the bedroom and expect to have a healthy and nurturing sex life.
Second, porn kills your spouse’s self esteem. Of course this is assuming they know about your addiction in the first place but even if they don’t usually women get some sort of vibe. Realistically, if your wife knows or suspects that you are watching young women with breast stuffed with silicone and lips full of collagen on a daily basis how comfortable do you think she’s going to feel in front of you naked? Yes, you may not be comparing her with your online centerfolds and maybe you find your wife just as attractive as you did when you first got married but do you think she really believes that? Would you? How healthy do you think your sex is going to be if your wife is constantly playing the compare and contrast game in the back of her mind while the both of you are getting your groove on? If you want better and healthier sex your spouse needs to feel beautiful, not second-rate.
Lastly, healthy and meaningful sex is intimate sex. Intimacy requires honesty and trust. How can you expect to have an atmosphere of intimacy and trust in the bedroom or even in your marriage if you are hiding a porn addiction? In fact, how can you yourself feel trustworthy when you are constantly clearing Internet histories, telling lies, and doing whatever it takes to keep your dirty little secret from being exposed? Porn kills trust; it kills honesty; and consequently it kills intimacy. You need intimacy in the bedroom if you want a healthy sex life.
In reality, porn may not make it unable for you to have sex with your wife. However, it breeds selfishness, it kills self-esteem, and it destroys intimacy. Plain and simple, porn is a cancer in the marriage bed and while it may not actually stop you from having sex with your wife it might as well have the same effect.