Men are built for relationships. God made Humanity to be in a relationship with Him. The bible tells us God started this in the Garden of Eden with Adam, the first man. God noticed that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone so God made Eve, the first woman. Together Adam and Eve lived in a perfect love triangle with God. Open, intimate, and pure until Adam and Eve chose to sin. That sin shattered the love triangle, that sin severed the perfect relationship, that sin separated humanity from God and for the first time Adam felt shame due to his actions.
The Bible tells us that Adam hid from God. We, the descendants of Adam, continue to hide in our shame.
Pornography use is a cycle of emotional ups and downs. For me I would experience something that triggered my need for pornography and the masturbation that followed. I would use, I would indulge. I would quickly beg forgiveness from God (sometimes even begging God forgiveness during the act) and swear it off forever. I meant it, every time I meant it. I would be left to marinate in my shame. Trapped in thoughts of worthlessness, mired in my shame I was rendered relationally impotent. An internal voice whispered to me: “I am my sin.” or “How can I be a decent father/husband/friend/pastor when I can’t stop this sin?”
I hated the cycle but as much as I hated it, I needed it. I needed to feel powerful, to have control, to be someone in my fantasy that I couldn’t be in reality. I was hiding from myself and I was hiding from God. I was using a human action to try to meet a spiritual need.
God has built each of us to be intimate with Him. God has given us sex (within the bounds of marriage) to cement intimacy with a woman. Porn is the world’s mockery of God’s gift of sex within marriage. To really experience that gift you must be walking in purity. God is waiting to embrace you into a world of freedom from this addiction! The road isn’t easy, you will probably fail numerous times but to be free of the compulsions and shame and live pure is beyond worth it.
Where does your need come from?
What are the lies your internal voice tells you in your shame?
What’s one thing can you do TODAY to step toward FREEDOM?