Being someone who has been addicted pornography most of my adult life I have been through the process of emotional ups and downs. I have had to deal with feels of anger, depression, guilt, and shame. All of these emotions are normal for people but, they where intensified due to my behavior.
So many times during my addiction I battled my own self wanting to stop looking at this crap but, I just could not seem to break free at the time. I would get so upset at myself for the way that I was behaving. I was taking my own career, marriage, and life as I knew it and risking everything I had for something that was false. During this time of self bullying I would beat my self up emotionally for allowing this temptation get the better of me and for being so weak.
Now after five years of being clean and sober, I still find my self at times reflecting back to what my behavior was like when I was addicted and I can be pretty rough on my self for allowing that sin to steal so much of my life. The difference between then and now though is miles apart. I take full responsibility for what I did but, I now understand the true unconditional love that God has for me and I now understand what it means to be forgiven by my God and by my wife. I do not allow for the guilt, shame, and anger to control my thoughts and emotions any more.
I still have to keep my behavior in check when it comes to other things. I like any other human can fall short of God’s expectations of us and I need to learn from my past and move forward with the present.
So I have a question for everyone reading this blog right now. Have you ever been upset at your own behavior? Have you allowed your behavior to control you and make you into something that you are not or a person you do not desire to be? Let us know in the comment box below and lets get this conversation rolling. Lets being open and talk about our struggles and become free from all the burdens that hold us down.