“Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.” -Andy Warhol
I don’t know about you, but when I read a statement like this I cringe a little bit. Really … what are we saying here? Are we to believe that real sex can’t measure up to fiction? Is porn (let’s be honest, on some level this is what we are talking about) really that much more exciting than real flesh and blood? Can pornography producers deliver a better ideal of sex than what our spouses give us? The answer is … YES!!! What we do in real life can’t ever measure up to what we read or watch. Is this defeating? No, it’s just realistic. Porn is fantasy … real sex is real life. Reality can never measure up to fantasy … that’s why it’s called fantasy! Of course, this is the very reason so many people defend porn. “What’s wrong with a little porn? It’s just fantasy and we all like fantasy. It’s really harmless in the end.” Sounds good, right? But is this true? Is a little porn ok? You may think so but I believe the answer is a resounding NO. Here are two major reasons why.
First, making the jump from fantasy to reality is far easier in the bedroom than in other areas of life. What boy hasn’t fantasized he’s an Avenger or a soldier? Honestly, what adult hasn’t for that matter? I wouldn’t mind an Iron Man suit! However, when my son is done pretending he’s Captain America or Hulk he doesn’t then expect his “superpowers” to carry over into real life. So far he’s never whirled his Thor hammer around and tried to fly to school (If he does I’ll let you know, right after we sign the book and movie deal). No, why not? The reason is that “superhero world” doesn’t translate well into real life. However, with porn that’s not the case. Sex is real. It’s something we all (or mostly all) do or have done. I may need superpowers and a cape to fly but I only need a penis to have sex. The problem is that when we watch porn we bombard our minds with false images of what sex should look like. Sex that is “dressed up” through the benefit of multiple camera angles, multiple takes, the right lighting, and hours of professional makeup and digital editing. You may start off telling yourself “It’s just fantasy” but over time you’ll start thinking that what you are watching or reading really can happen. Married couples sometimes introduce porn into the relationship to spice things up, but ultimately the satisfaction you get from real sex will crumble under the weight of the fantasy you keep playing in your head. Listen … PORN AIN’T REAL and you won’t ever look like the people in the videos or sound as amazing as the characters in the books! Porn is “fantasy” but it will eventually erode your real life sexual satisfaction.
Second, porn over time leads to unrealistic expectations. Porn by nature is an “on-demand” product (especially in the online world). It’s instant … like coffee. If you want sex you can get it practically whenever you want from whoever you want almost any way you want. Real sex isn’t like this! Try telling your wife after she’s cooked dinner and cleaned the counters that you want her to go take a shower, put on a French maid outfit with stiletto heels, and then wait in the laundry room so you can mount her on the washing machine. Let me know how it works out. The thing is that over time subconsciously you’ll start to believe the lies that porn tells you. You’ll begin to think that sex should be on the table whenever you want it and wherever you want because porn delivers that so why not your spouse? Why waste time with romance and intimacy when porn tells us that sex should be something we just jump into whenever we decide? Of course the problem is that eventually these types of expectations only lead to real life resentment. Either your wife will resent your demands or you will resent her for not meeting them. Listen, if you want to put a strain on your sex life keep watching porn … it won’t take long. However, if you want to find more satisfaction with your current sex life kick the porn fantasy and invest more in reality.
Understand, the fact that porn appears superior to real sex should not serve as a reason to keep watching (or reading) it. This is by design. If porn didn’t look any better than real life sex who would watch it? However, fantasy can only deliver so much. Porn can’t give you intimacy; it can’t offer long-term satisfaction, and it certainly can’t deliver the fantasy it sells. When it comes to some things fantasy is fine; however, when it comes to sex best stick to reality.
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