Reality Bites.. A Friend’s True Story
By Steve-Oh
All of us at one point in time have attempted to live out a fantasy. Some of us (like myself) have played in bands with visions of world tours, raging fans and a really cool tour bus. While others have fantasies of being rich, famous, great ball players the list goes on and on. I see this behavior in my son one day he is Batman another he is Indiana Jones and as I am writing this he is dressed up like the wrestler CM Punk.
But there are times when the fantasies become dangerous. For instance, growing up me and my buddy loved Evel Kenevil. We would watch his specials on TV and get the crazy idea that we could pull off stunts like that. So we went out build all kinds of ramps and attempt to jump whatever we could. One day we came up with the bright idea that we could jump the small section of the pond behind his house. We build a massive ramp with hopes of jumping the pond. Long story short we did not make the jump, our bikes were at the bottom of the pond, and when we were caught in the pond trying to recover our bikes, lets just say sitting down for the next few days was painful.
Why am I telling you all of this? As adults our fantasy life can be dangerous not only to our health but to our jobs, relationships and our relationship with Christ. I have seen and heard the same stories over and over. Men whose porn addiction has lead them down a path of destruction. These guys have done everything from hiring prostitutes to exposing themselves in public to becoming child predators. Every last one of these people will tell you it started with pornography. I have a friend who has gone through this process. He nearly lost everything. I asked if he would share his story and he was delighted to. Here is a real life story of fantasy becoming reality.
A Friend’s True Story
Somewhere between the age of 10 or 11 yrs old, I stumbled upon a porn magazine in my uncle Steve’s room underneath the bed that I still, as a clear as day remembered what it looked like. Again stumbled upon porn VHS videos tapes in my uncles VCR player and as the years progressed I began to consistently masturbate. I became addicted to watching it on a weekly and regular basis and felt like that was my only prayer to God to please help me stop fantasizing, watching porn and masturbating. When I got into my first real relationship at age 19, I began to have sex immediately and uncontrollably with my girlfriend. At this point I was continuing to what I had always done, plus being sexually active. My relationship was short as I realized my life was headed in the wrong direction.
Between the ages of 20-30 I continued to struggle with porn/masturbation but had stopped the strip clubs and sexual intercourse. I got into another dysfunctional emotional relationship. The relationship was on and off for a few years and at 25 yrs old I proposed to this woman whom I was totally unsure about. A month later the relationship took a turn for the worse and we abruptly ended our relationship. A close friend then came to stay with me over the holidays and told me he was seeing my ex. This is where my addiction took off. I began to medicate and drown out the hurt and pain from what they had done to me.
For 8 years I had been waiting to have sex but that was not true because I had been acting out in other ways. Regardless, I gave myself the right to go wild and not care anymore. I went to strip clubs, nightclubs, and escorts. I dug deeply into my porn and masturbation addiction on a daily and twice a day basis and was now paying for sex. The reason I went that route was because I was in Ministry and felt that if I didn’t have sex with someone I knew I would never get caught.
Eventually I married in 2007 but much didn’t change of my habitual practices and the behaviors I had enjoyed to help me not think about what a mess my life real was. Though I appeared to have success from the outside, I was a complete addict on the inside and by my faith living in total sin. One particular acting out moment, I connected with an old friend on Facebook and met her in Orlando to just have sex. She was the only person I ever knew.
The point in which I had to really get serious about how out of control my life was when I acted out paying for sex and realized that night in December 2010 that if I don’t get help my marriage would be over and I’ll be miserable in my addiction. So within a two-week conversation, I had to disclose to my wife, Pastor, lead elder and Therapist that exact nature of my addiction and what were the things I had done. That day I thought my life would be over, but now looking back, it was the day I started to work toward getting my sanity, life and healthy-ness back. This journey has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I have learned to embrace my recovery and continuing to understand the nature of my addiction. God has done an amazing work these pasts few months and I am grateful to my wife, who has also supported me through this devastating ordeal, in which she has gotten the help she needed for her codependency issues. To my sponsor who loves me enough to tell me the truth and has continually been an example to me of someone who understands recovery. Lastly to my God and my savior, who convicted me that night on 12/13/10 to start getting the help I needed because you loved me enough that when I quit on myself you never gave up on me. Your word is true as it states Hebrews 13:5 that you will never leave me nor forsake me.
What else can I say that story tells it all. This is a guy whose fantasy became a devastating reality. Porn will take you places you never want to go. It may seem like a good thing the moment its happening but this moment of pleasure will turn into a lifetime of regret.