Have you ever heard of intimacy anorexia?  The basic idea is that we try to control our lives by withholding intimacy from others.  I ordered this book titled “Intimacy Anorexia” subtitled “Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage” by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.  This guy works with people who have sexual addictions and he says that most addicts have this addiction too.  Hmmmm?  The reason I ordered the book was because I saw an ad for it that had a little test.  I scored very high on the test.  I have intimacy anorexia.  One of the symptoms is withholding sexual intimacy from your spouse.  Now why would a sex addict withhold sex?  It boils down to control.

Porn got a grip on me and tightened that grip by offering me absolute control over my sex life.  Real relationships are too much trouble, too messy.  There is that whole foreplay thing and getting her in a good mood and keeping her there.  That usually takes some sacrifice on my part and who wants to be self sacrificial?  Porn and masturbation doesn’t require any of that.  And, there is unlimited variety.  If I get tired of one thing I can always find something else.  Hookers and clubs cater to your desires too, if you have the money.  Not all of us have the money so porn is the least costly way to go.

So here is the catch, we are designed to be in real relationships with real people.  Life does not work right without real relationships.  Put a person in solitary confinement without human contact and they will go crazy.  I remember hearing about Chinese orphan babies who died, not because they were not fed, not because they were ill, but because they were not touched and loved.  Anybody out there lonely? 

Porn is a counterfeit for real relationship that offers you control but ends up controlling you.  Don’t believe me?  Try going porn free for a year.  I’ll bet you can’t do it unless you have a real relationship that meets your needs.

By the way, don’t be controlling in your real relationship.  That will kill it faster than just about anything.

Here is how it really works, humble yourself before God.  He is God and you are not.  He is in control and you are not.  Admit and surrender control to Him.  Follow His directions to love Him and love other people.  That means that you do things that are loving.  His perfect love which is described in 1 Corinthians 13 will work its way into your life and you will be fulfilled.