Does My Wife Love Me or Find Me as Sexy as the Men in Those Romantic Books?
This may sound like a strange topic for a blog in the men’s section, I admit that. However, as we find ourselves in the “month for love” all sorts of questions surface regarding sex, romance, and relationships. Maybe you are in a healthy marriage … awesome! Maybe you and your wife don’t deal with issues of comparing and contrasting … excellent! Maybe, romantic fiction isn’t your wife’s genre of choice so this topic never arises … great! However, maybe that’s not your situation. Instead, you feel like your marriage is slowly simmering instead of rapidly boiling. You often get overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy because your wife wishes you were a little more like the heavily muscled hairy chested men on the front of her “romantic” novels. In fact, at times it almost feels like your marriage somehow jumped tracks from Happily Ever After to Barely Scraping By. If this is your situation, this blog is for you my friend.
The first thing I want to tell you is that romantic fiction is just that … FICTION. Much like porn, romantic novels or books sell a fantasy to the reader. Now, there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with a “romantic” book but often these pieces of literary garbage are just a form of porn wrapped in a fancy binder. Remember Fifty Shades of Grey, a book commonly referred to as “mommy porn?” These books, good or bad, don’t give their readers reality because no one wants to read about reality. There is nothing sexy or alluring about the soccer mom who after a 10 hour day of working, cooking & cleaning rolls into bed for some mediocre sex with her overly stressed out and overweight husband. That story won’t sell books! You just can’t compare yourself or allow yourself to be compared to imaginary men with imaginary lives who deal with imaginary women … that is an impossible situation.
Second, just because these books sell pretend romance doesn’t mean that you are completely off the hook for your utter lack of romance. Listen, marriage is not easy and it takes work. In fact, if you got in to marriage believing things would be “happily ever after” you are in for a rude awakening because even a great marriage does not follow a fairytale story line. Romance doesn’t just happen; it’s created. If you want your wife to see you as her prince charming you need to work on playing the part. Spend less time on the couch drinking beer and watching football. Make a point to regularly “date” her instead of being concerned with your regular bowling or poker outings. Find out what her love language is and speak it … if it’s gifts, by her a gift. If it’s serving, help her around the house sometimes. You may not believe it but being a husband who’s invested and active in the life of his wife and kids comes across as incredibly sexy and romantic to your wife. The point is, make some effort to WOW your wife and maybe she’ll have less time to read those poorly written books.
Last thing, if her “romantic” literature bothers you and makes you feel inadequate how do you think your “romantic” videos and pictures (A.K.A. porn, men’s’ magazines, the SI swimsuit issue) make her feel? What goes around comes around as they say and maybe you are partially at fault in all of this? Is it possible she feels that she can’t compare to the silicone enhanced babes you regularly ogle so she reads books about romantic men she doesn’t have to compete for? Honestly, if your wife likes to read “mommy porn” you may need to have a talk about that but please don’t be the one throwing stones from a porn filled glass house.
This Valentine’s Day don’t worry about the fantasy and start investing in reality. Have an honest conversation and see what your wife has to say. Find out what she thinks is sexy or romantic and do it! Ask her where things can get better and make a point of improving those areas. Maybe it’s time for both of you to stop thinking about what can’t be and start thinking about what could be if you both try. The romance may seem dead right now but it is possible to revive it with some effort. Now what are you waiting for? Go make it happen!