Grooming your wife to go places in sex to fulfil your unrealistic sexual desires has got to be one of the most unhealthy risks a recovering sex/porno addict can take in regards to their recovery and to their marriage.

The air is thick, at this time of year, with ‘Hallmark’ romance and the expectation of sexual encounters of a surreal, special and almost fairytale nature.  The often rushed act of sex between husband and wife at the end of a long day is replaced with time set aside for a candlelit dinner, great unhurried conversation, and a lone bedroom waiting at home or a hotel as you have left the kids in mothers care.  The night is set up for something beautiful, the bubble bath, the time to linger and enjoy and for the couple with a healthy sexual relationship this can be just the tonic for the grind of life.

For the one who has been captured by the dark and unrealistic world of pornography the temptation to use these romantic moments (where your partner is more open to exploration) to fulfil your own fantasy by getting your spouse to do things they would usually resist is strong.  We may be on the road to freedom but those images continue to be played out in our mind and the desire to have them performed on us can be strong.  The mixture of the promise of special sexual moments in these romantic days may let the guard of your partner down and we must not take the unhealthy risk of introducing fantasies formed in the dark places to enter into our marriage bed. 

The challenge then is to rediscover a healthy sexual relationship that may seem to be unadventurous to us addicted in regards to sexual positions, acts, toys, or locations. We must resist the risk of introducing selfish sexual desires and instead ensure we do the basics with absolute love and giving to our spouse.  As we rediscover a healthy sexual relationship, not based on those images in our imagination, then maybe, in the future, some mutual healthy sexual adventures can be taken.

Grooming, manipulating, your spouse to do those things that were burned into our mind invites the issue into your real life but now includes an innocent bystander.  This ensures you cannot escape those images easily nor the desires it conjures.  It becomes less about a healthy sexual life of giving than it is about the selfish act of getting and, I suggest, many miles away from true romance and love that this time of year promises and your spouse desires.