“ I don’t really want to be involved in this, but geez, if my wife would only…”

Have you said this or heard someone struggling like you say this? “I am just more sexually active than my prudish wife is, and if I don’t look at porn and masturbate I am going to just have chronic blue balls and live a life of pain!” It may have slight variations on the wording, but there is always some words of justification for our behavior that we tell ourselves in order to give us an excuse to keep up an unhealthy habit that we know is not the best choice for us. I have a four-year-old boy that is an expert at this talent.  “Son, stop hitting the cat with your pirate sword!” “But daddy, I need to scratch the cats back!” Ah yes, that sinful nature that we are born with that seeks to justify our bad choices. In our blogs here, we are seeing a steady flow of counter arguments seeking to make you “feel better” about the things you want to change. I have stated before, that the Bible is clear in teaching that “ Whatever is not of faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23) Meaning, if you are doing something feeling in your heart that you are not pleasing God, but are continuing to choose to do it, it is to you sin, because you are walking in an attitude of selfish indulgence, even if the thing is ”technically OK” for you.

1 Corinthians 10 says this, “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.”

The key part pertinent to the question here is, looking out for the good of others before our own good. Let’s be real here, there is no excuse for indulging in porn and masturbation because of anything our wives may be doing or not doing.  We married our wives because we love them. Remember the vows, “through good times and bad.” We are just as imperfect as our wives. It may be very difficult at times to do, but we need to love our wives unconditionally.  They are a gift from God, even when there are times when we wish we could exchange the gift for a new set of golf clubs.  Forgiveness is not an option in our marriages. I would encourage all of you reading this to make it a priority to have a calm discussion with your spouse and keep the lines of communication open and humble, and gentle. It’s difficult, but important. At times because of the addiction (or at least struggle), sex seems like THE biggest issue. But there are much more important and valuable things in our relationships. We need to nurture those things, and make those things better while we take baby steps in healing our sexual relationship with our wife.