Now that we are less than one week into a brand-new year, there’s a good chance you (like many others) are examining your life and asking yourself what needs to change in 2022?

  • Maybe it’s your weight and or poor eating habits?
  • Maybe it’s your lackluster church attendance?
  • Maybe it’s your questionable boundaries and workaholic tendencies? 

Or maybe it’s something else… Like your persistent porn and or masturbation issues?

Whatever the area of life you’re focusing on, the reality is that for those wanting to escape their unwanted sexual behaviors the task of change can seem a bit overwhelming. Primarily because the life-altering conversations that need to happen (for them) are difficult to approach due to the sacred cow status we’ve bestowed upon the topics of sex, porn, and masturbation.

This is one of the main reasons I decided to write the book When Shame Gets Real – A new way to talk about sex, porn, and masturbation. 

Because if we can’t start talking about these matters as individuals, as families, and as church communities without the need to hide or withdraw, we will continue to see limited progress in the areas of recovery and reducing sexual shame.

This is also what we will be focusing our posts around this month; poking the box and embracing difficult conversations about sex, so we can begin dismantling the shame that surrounds these topics and slaughter the sacred cows that hold us all back.

The truth is, we all need more than just a few uncomfortable conversations about sex to get our lives, families, or communities pointed in the right direction. We need a complete shift in the way we think and talk about sex and sexuality.

This means…

  • Seeing porn and other unwanted sexual behavior as simply an unfortunate part of life, and not a unique brokenness that requires special segregation and care.
  • Recognizing sex and sexuality as a beautiful and core part of our identity instead of topics only meant to be explored within the pages of books or behind the walls of counselor’s offices. 
  • Acknowledging the pleasure, beauty, and purpose of sex without exploiting or suppressing it.
  • Understanding that the language and words we use (or avoid altogether) says a lot about what we fear or believe and that words in the end are just words. 

In the end, if we allow dialogue about sex, porn, and masturbation to become a normal part of life’s script, we open up the door to a healthier sexual landscape that celebrates the beauty of sex while extending grace to those who have honest questions or need help.  

Because when we don’t, we feed our sacred cows and strengthen the shame that currently exists around these conversations.

This is why we’ll continue creating and building communities like Live Free, Live Free Wives, and Small Groups Online where those desiring open and frank conversations about sex can find refuge and support. Because shame is the real enemy of those seeking freedom from unwanted sexual behavior, and we want to be part of the solution and not the problem.

By the way, if you want some help getting past sexual shame, check out When Shame Gets Real and download the first chapter for free.