Read anything in Leviticus. Preferably Leviticus 14 for reference before reading this article
OK, so you’ve done the deed. Maybe Internet, maybe you have your secret stash of DVDs (or you’re a lot older and still own the… gulp VHS) Now what? Most of us know exactly what’s running through our minds. “Again! I did it, AGAIN”! So now what do we do? Here we have made yet another promise to stop.
We’ve turned our heads when they needed turning. We turned the channel when it needed turning. Most importantly we thought we turned our hearts when they needed turning. But here we are again, in our weakness.
So where does one go from here? Let me tell you what helped me. When I was a teen (say 17) I began to hate porn. But I couldn’t win. I tried alone and of course failed. I then hated the failing more then I hated the porn. So now I have the hate of failing, and the hate of porn, which led to of course, the absolute hate of me. I realized I couldn’t help myself, if I hated myself. I knew I had a plan on my life and kept hearing that God forgives, and has even bigger plans for me then I could imagine. I wanted these plans. I knew I hindered these plans if I kept falling.
So THIS was my foray into Leviticus particularly chapter 14. It talked about the infectious skin diseased person desiring to be healed. Now I knew I didn’t have a infectious disease, nor was I going to find a lamb to sacrifice (before you feel the need to correct, may I say it for you. JESUS! There, enough said).
I did know however I had a disease, and I needed a cure (and cowbell was not an option at that point). So I began a silly cleansing process that I really believe was pivotal in my healing. When I “did the deed per say, I felt immediate shame. Instead of wallowing in that shame, I immediately ran to daddy. I didn’t hide from him. I didn’t run from him, I ran to him.
I brought my gift of immediate repentance. I then would jump in the shower. I would then go through a pseudo cleansing of myself. Time after time I would symbolically wash myself clean. I would take that shower time to pray, and speak my heart to God of how much I hated my own weakness. I would cleanse myself completely. It was a modern day Leviticus experience. The most important thing I would cleanse is my heart.
I would acknowledge that I could not take back the act, yet beg God to remove the visuals. I can say confidently I have been clean for a very long time now (over 10 years). There was a time when I thought that was impossible. I also believe by my act of cleansing showed God my heart continually, and kept me close enough by my efforts, to give him the reason to bestow his grace upon me.
You are beautiful people, and I hope this helped someone.