Keeping secrets is never fun. I know from personal experience. When I was in the 7th grade I was not the best student. I was always thinking about music, wrestling and my skateboard. In those days (the 80’s) the schools only sent home progress reports if you were failing a class. Yep you guessed it not only did I get one, I got three! I knew there was no way I was taking these things home. So I lied to my parents and told them I didn’t get any. It seemed easy enough. The hard part was going to be smooth talking three teachers. I must admit I was able to pull it off  for two whole days. Then on day three I was busted, mom met me when I got off the bus. I couldn’t believe it one of my teachers had the nerve to dispute my word and call my mom. We got in the car and went to the school.

On the way mom asked why I didn’t give her the report. I told her I was scared to. But wait, she said report, my evil little mind said “she don’t know about the other two“. I then devised a plan to run into the school and get THE progress report and return with it. I jumped from the car raced in the school opened my locker and frantically searched for the one progress report. Little did I know mom got out behind me. She creeped up behind me and said “empty the locker!”  What was I to do now? I turned around and told mom that I had two more. At that moment I felt a great relief because I did not have to hold on to that burden anymore. Did that mean life was better? No, I had several weeks of punishment to endure.

Why am I telling you embarrassing stories about myself? Because some of you reading this are holding on to a lie. The lie of porn addiction. You think you have it under control but you don’t. You need help. One of the first things you need to do is talk to your wife/girlfriend/fiancé. Sit her down and tell her about your struggle. I have 4 simple steps you can follow to help make the confession process easier.

1. MAKE TIME TO TALK: Do not lay this on her just before a dinner date or church. Plan it out. Make sure you have the time it takes to talk through the situation.

2. BE OPEN AND HONEST:  The saying goes “honesty is the best policy.” Tell her your story of how you got to this point. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. The bright side is that this is a brand new start. When contactors are remodeling a house they gut the entire thing. It looks horrible but it is part of the rebuilding process. The same principal work for this.

3. ANSWER QUESTIONS: Once you open up she will be filled with tons of questions. I assure you some questions will not be easy to answer or hear. Just take a deep breath and answer her honestly.

4. LISTEN:  Listen to what she has to say and respond. DO NOT GET ANGRY! She may say things to you out of anger but you need to listen and take it. Respond to her in a calm voice reassuring her that this is something you are dedicated to fixing.

I don’t have all the answers! From what I have seen and studied these 4 steps will help lead you in the right direction of telling your wife/girlfriend about your addiction. My thoughts and prayers are with you.