My wife and I have very different approaches to ordering food whenever we go out to eat. Sometimes, we like to tease each other because my wife is the kind of person who has her favorites and knows what she likes. This often means she will order the same thing no matter how many times we’ve been to that particular restaurant. I tend to be the complete opposite. I like trying new dishes! This typically yields about a 50/50 success rate when it comes to my satisfaction at the end of the meal 🙂 But that’s ok, because I would quickly become tired of eating the same thing over and over again.
Now think about this in terms of the current season we’re in. At the time of this writing, we just celebrated Labor Day and it’s still pretty warm outside. It doesn’t feel like summer is ready to leave quite yet. What if that were the case 365 days a year? Nothing but the heat and humidity all year long. No thank you! I’m grateful that God decided to give our earth four different seasons. And truth be told, I love every one of them for different reasons.
The point is this: Every season requires a different kind of response from us. I’m sorry, but I question the intelligence of someone who is wearing a snow suit in the middle of July! Or braving the elements in January in shorts and a t-shirt. Who does that? So we learn to dress appropriately, drive appropriately, and plan appropriately depending on the season we’re in.
The same is especially true for our recovery. As I look back over the past 15 years of my journey, there were so many different versions of myself. The person I was in 2009 was completely different than the person I was in 2015. And that person was completely different than the person I am today. Today, I’m free from pornography and have experienced an incredible amount of healing from my former addiction. But obviously, that wasn’t the case when I took the first step in 2009. What we need to understand about the changing of seasons is that they require us to acclimate. And we will either make the adjustments needed for growth or we will fight against that change and stagnate.
I believe that the degree of transformation we experience has much to do with two major factors:
- How we think.
- The choices we make.
Many men believe that if they simply change their habits and routines alone that things will get better. Conversely, others may start making progress in their thought processes and core beliefs, but lack the discipline and commitment in taking action steps. The problem occurs when we take up residence in one camp or the other, instead of realizing we need to tackle both.
I work inside the office for an HVAC and plumbing company. When customers call in either to report a possible leak of some kind in a refrigerant line or — in an equally alarming situation — some kind of plumbing leak in their crawlspace, the priority isn’t just to clean up the collateral mess that was made from the leak. The priority is to address the leak! After you have found the source of that exposure or compromise, then you can fix it. From there further steps can be taken to ensure that the problem doesn’t happen again.
Do you see how this relates to you? In the early days of recovery, your goal should probably be centered on “stopping the leak”. Creating new routines. Learning what your triggers are. Not putting yourself in situations where you know you’ve succumbed in the past. Your approach may be more centered on the behavior itself that needs to change.
But as you progress further down the line, you can’t stop there. It would be worth your time to investigate what could have started the leak to begin with. This is akin to looking at your past, your childhood, your relationship with your parents, abuses, traumas, and discoveries that may have negatively impacted your life. All of these things can contribute towards possible addiction.
As you can see, we have a lot of work to do in recovery. It might seem daunting at first, but that’s why (to use the old cliche) we have to take it one day at a time. Recovery isn’t a “drive- thru” process. It’s a long term journey that one has to commit to in order to be successful and healthy. Your goals change from season to season. And that’s ok. I’ve always loved the old metaphor: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
So where does someone begin? Well, that depends on where you’re at. One of the greatest things any person can do no matter what place they’re at is to surround themselves with others who are pursuing health as well for their lives. That means committing to honesty and not hiding anything. It means others can ask you the hard questions regardless if the answers are pretty or not. Don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise — accountability is one of the greatest assets a person can have in life.
Also, take time alone in quiet places and spaces to ask God what your next steps should be. We often Google, research, and ask a million friends what we should do. Meanwhile, we totally overlook the God who created the universe what His thoughts are. Take time to reflect and journal what your priorities and goals should be in recovery. Everyone’s plan will look different. But the point is you will have a plan of action for the season you’re currently living in.
Embrace new seasons as they approach. Enjoy them, but also receive the challenges they bring too. Every moment in recovery is meant for your good — to better you and help you become the person God created you to be.