Question! Why do men risk everything for sexual gratification? Some people say its just ” a man being a man”. That is just a lame excuse to keep from dealing with the issue at hand. There is a long list of men that are wealthy, powerful, successful, you know the types with out me calling any names. You have seen them on TV making apologies to family and friends for their mistakes. Some of these men have lost everything just for what I refer to as self validation.

Lets start from the beginning. All men need to be validated in some way, shape, or form. We validate ourselves on the things we accomplish. Every man wants to be a HERO! We want to be applauded and cheered for a job well done. We don’t like losing and being dismissed. If we want to be a HERO and get the applause then why is there so many lonely women and fatherless children in the world? It goes back to validation. We feel that sometimes we are failures as a husbands and fathers. So we go and self medicate ourselves with selfish and destructive behavior. To most men sex is a source of power and it gives us proof that we are masculine. When we are sitting at our computers watching the women on the screen we don’t have to take time to interact with them, find out their needs. Do you really want to know a womens needs and take the time to meet them? I read an article recently and the author said this talking about sex “women need a reason, men just need a place.” How true is that! Our places tend to be in front of the TV, computer, or at the strip clubs and brothels. Why? Because we are taking the our self worth and validating ourselves with some stranger who has no emotional ties to us. They don’t care if you had a bad day at work or your child just failed the 7th grade. They are with you as long as you have a dollar. In short we don’t have to worry about communication. We are afraid of what we may hear and have to deal with. It kills us to hear our failures or our shortcomings. This is why the porn industry is as big as it is. Guys, we are letting our need for sex validate us as men. You all know this. If you have ever been to a strip club you know you can be the ugliest and smelliest guy on the plant but when you enter the club you are “studly Dudley” as long as you have the money you are the hottest thing sense Matt Damon (side note I don’t think guys are hot). You get my drift.They make you feel that it is all about you and nothing else matters.

Self validation is dangerous! Our validation should come from Christ.  I want MORE than God’s love. Everybody has that. I want God’s FAVOR. I
want to be and do the things that will please God SO much, He will find
favor with me! I know He loves me and no one can ever take that away,
but to REALLY touch His heart by what I do! That’s the ultimate
joy and treasure to me. You can get the same from every aspect of your life. Take time to find out your wife’s needs and meet them. Let your wife know you love and cherish her. When it comes to your kids the same applies.This will take sacrifice of maybe your time and things you want to do. When it came to David, in 2 Samuel 24:24-25, David wanted to offer the
LORD a burnt offering, but he wanted to make sure it was a true
sacrifice on his part. So, he bought an entire threshing floor and
offered many offerings there. This action caused God to favor David,
and hold back a plague on the land.

Last , hold your self to a higher standard.  Have integrity. “The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.”  Living with integrity is easier than living a deceitful life. While
making unethical decisions is often easier in the short term, it
eventually takes its toll. There’s no real happiness to be found in
struggling to remember your lies, living in fear of getting caught, and
not feeling like you truly earned your reward. Living with integrity brings wholeness and peace. Your conscience can
rest easy, and you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride.

The journey towards an accomplishment or decision is just as important
as the destination itself. Even if you are richly rewarded at the end,
if you cannot look back on the means used to get there with anything
but shame, your victory will be hollow indeed.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses “Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around you like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. RESIST HIM, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5: 8-9


Steve Oh

Love Jesus.Love People