My wife and I were talking the other day and she asked me “Why do some guys think that you are ready to jump in the sack after they have been talking with you for a few minutes?” I told her that I was not sure but if I had to make a guess I would say that pornography is one of the main reasons.  A lot of guys think that the world of porn is real and that women are always ready for action. It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler found out they were getting the porn channel for free. They left the TV on because they thought that if they turned it off they would lose the channel. Here is where my theory comes into play. Chandler complains that he was at the bank and the teller didn’t want to have sex with him. Joey then says the same thing about the pizza girl. So they decide to turn off the porn. Porn gives us a false sense of who women are and what they like. We become numb to what women want. Women want a man to listen to them, hold them, tell them they are beautiful or just spend quality time with them. That is just few things that women want. They are not waiting to do the next guy who rings the doorbell or gives them a glace in the grocery store. Porn takes the intimacy out of sex. Today, the word intimacy has taken on sexual connotations. But it is much more than that. It includes all the different dimensions of our lives — yes, the physical, but also the social, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects as well. Intimacy really means total life sharing.

For us to experience this kind of love in relationships we need to first experience God’s love for us. You can’t consistently demonstrate this kind of love toward someone if you’ve never experienced being loved in this way. God, who knows you, who knows everything about you, loves you perfectly.

God tells us through the ancient prophet, Jeremiah, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; and I have drawn you unto Myself” (Jeremiah 31:3). So God’s love for you is never going to change.

God continues to love us no matter what. Often, relationships end when something in them is altered, such as a damaging accident or the loss of financial position. But God’s love is not based on our physical appearance or who or what we are.

As you can see, God’s view of love is totally different from what society tells us love is. Can you imagine a relationship with this kind of love? God simply tells us that His forgiveness and love is ours for the asking. It is His gift to us. But if we refuse the gift, we are the ones who cut ourselves off from finding true fulfillment, true intimacy and true purpose in life.


Steve Oh