Writing a book on pornography was not on my to-do list when I was a student taking writing classes at community college. I was busier trying to hide my pornography addiction than being transparent and getting help for it, let alone writing about it.
My curiosity spawned when I was exposed to pornography at a Christian middle school. Like many church kids, I decided to hide this overwhelming experience and created a secret life of sexual sin. In front of others, I appeared like an angel: a hard-working student who got good grades. I was blessed with very loving parents who happened to be pastors. I participated in church, sports, and student leadership.
I appeared holy on the outside and judged all those sinners who partied and slept around. On the inside though, I hated myself. I was such a hypocrite, a slave to pornography, fantasy, and masturbation.
One night I went to a friend’s house to hang out, but he was gone. I felt so alone. I drove to some places that sold pornography and looked around, but I didn’t buy anything and decided instead to head back home.
When I returned home, I went to the basement and sat on my bed in my bedroom. Then all of a sudden, the fear of God came over me and I began to shake under conviction of my sin. At this point I had barely opened up about ever struggling with porn before, but my soul was feeling so grieved that I decided to go to my dad to talk with him. I opened the door to my heart that night to God and my dad for the first time. My dad prayed with me and talked with me a lot for the next several days. I started getting honest about everything, and I experienced a freedom that was miraculous. (Tweet This!)
I started waking up every day with an incredible passion to honor God and resist the darkness. Although, pornography lost its place in my life, I really started dealing with depression and shame at a whole new level. Over the next couple of years my mind was put back together. I started having healthy friendships, I realized I really was forgiven, and I found value about who I was in Christ.
After years of sharing my story, teaching and preaching about sexual healing in Christ, and helping people through their pain, I decided to write a book. I wrote eXXXit to share my story and give hope to people who felt like they could never escape this trap of pornography. eXXXit shares the dangers of pornography and sexual sin, but even more than that it emphasizes the power of the Gospel, the Holy Spirit, and scripture to bring a life into freedom from bondage. eXXXit was written to help students, parents, pastors, and leaders deal with pornography in a redemptive way.
Maybe it will help you.
John Hammer is spoken word artist, author of the book eXXXit, and a pastor. You can find out more about John on his blog or connect with him on Twitter and Facebook. Get his book eXXXit on Amazon today.