One theme that we constantly revisit, whether in our resources, blog posts, or videos, is the value of community. We believe this is an essential human need critical to mental wellness, healthy development, and effective long-term recovery. But when we use the word “community,” the question that arises is this…
What is a “community?”
And perhaps more specifically, what is a healthy community?
Is it a collection of close friends? Is it a church? Is it our wider social circles? Or is it something more? The answer is that it could be all of those things, or none of those things, because a healthy community is more than just a group of people. In fact, I think when it comes to our idea of community, one of my favorite authors, Simon Sinek, said it best…
“A community is a group of people who agree to grow together.”
That definition really sums it up. Notice that Simon’s definition of community goes beyond the idea of numbers. It requires agreement. And that agreement is centered around a commitment to growth.
Think about it… When we talk about a church community, what are we really referring to? Sadly, I think one of the reasons we see churches struggling today is because our church communities are often defined more by the number of people attending than the commitment to growth they all share collectively. This is why I believe we see so many men and women from the church world enter our online communities. Because the community they need is not something they are finding themselves.
Again, when it comes to recovery, this idea of a community committed to growth is critical to one’s success. This is the value that drives the vision and mission behind all of our resources. But what does that commitment look like in practical terms? In other words, how do you know if you have found the committed community you need? Here are five qualities I would say you should be looking for in your recovery community:
1. A commitment to accountability.
Understand that any healthy recovery-focused community involves a level of accountability from the members. This does not equate to members policing each other or calling each other out in a condemning manner. Rather, this just means that each member is committed to owning their actions, level of participation, and being willing to both issue and accept a healthy challenge when appropriate.
2. A commitment to honesty and transparency.
Similar to accountability, each member of a healthy recovery-focused community is committed to being open and honest about their life. This includes the willingness to share their struggles, questions, wins, and losses. In other words, all participants are more concerned with being authentic than looking perfect.
3. A commitment to grace.
This one is very important. The truth is, while members of a recovery-focused community do at times hold each other accountable, it’s always done in the spirit of love and encouragement. There are going to be many times when guys (or girls) in your community “blow it.” When they do, it is important that you meet their honesty with grace, empathy, encouragement, and understanding. This will help create a healthy environment of safety in the community.
4. A commitment to “work.”
This one often goes along with accountability in that if a community is growth-focused, then each member is willing and committed to doing their own work of recovery. This may mean going to counseling, reading books, doing workshops, or working with a mentor. It also means regular engagement with the community rather than only participating when you feel like it.
5. A commitment to contribution.
This can be difficult for some men and women because when you feel like you are not as “seasoned” or successful (i.e., sober) as other members, you might think you have little to offer and are just a drain on the group. But that simply is not the case. One of the beautiful things about a healthy community is the diversity of it and the willingness of each member to love and accept the other regardless of status or sobriety. Understand that the best thing you can offer to your community is you and your willingness to be open, transparent, and encouraging.
Realize that while these are all qualities of a healthy and growth-focused recovery community, there is no guarantee that every member will fully embrace these ideals. However, if the community and its leadership are committed to the idea of growth, then they will do what they can to consistently affirm the values of the community and strengthen its culture. However, if the community you are part of does not strive to establish an ethos of accountability, honesty, grace, individual effort, and participation, then you may be in the wrong place.
By the way, if you are looking for a healthy growth-focused recovery community, look no further than the Live Free Community. Our community of over 1,000 men is perfect for those who need others in their life that will encourage and support them as they travel the path to freedom and well-being.