In our sexual purity journey we have to deal with lies, yes… but our lies live in a larger arena called deception. Deception where we really need to focus in order to find victory over sexual sin.
LYING HAS MANY FACETS
Lies happen when we tell untruths (sins of commission) and when we omit key parts of the truth (sins of commission). We lie to cover up.
Lies are always darkness. They are steps away from truth and light. Lies give us a seat in the arena of our Enemy the Devil, whom the Bible calls the Father of Lies.
Lying compounds. We have to tell more lies to cover up, and keep remembering what we told and what we didn’t, and to whom.
Jesus doesn’t lie. The Bible says He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He calls us out of lying, out of the darkness, into His truth and light.
DECEPTION IS BROAD AND DEEP
Deception is an atmosphere of covering up. I tell a lie, but then I need to think and scheme and strategize about how to keep the lie. Or, I do something wrong, then my mind calculates how can I say this, cover up, say it in a way that minimizes my action. Or how can I throw this on the other person.
Deception is trickery. It’s scheming. Manipulation is a type of deception. It’s causing someone to see something other than the lie – a false reality. Deception is not integrity. It’s not authenticity and truthfulness.
At the heart of deception is selfishness. I want to protect something that I have. I want to hide it and keep it.
PORN ON THE COMPUTER – GOING FROM DECEPTION TO LYING
When I look at porn on the computer I step over the boundaries that I’ve set up with myself, God, my wife or my accountability partner. My first instinct when I slip up is to say “Oh, man! Now I’ve done it.” Then I start playing scenarios of deception in my mind. I rationalize to myself. I say to myself, “This is not really that bad.” “I did not technically step over boundaries.” This is the spirit of deception at work in me.
Then I start thinking about covering up. I clear the history on my computer. I wipe down the desk to make it look like I didn’t use the computer. I do whatever I need to do to cover my tracks. I’m doing it so somebody doesn’t find out.
It may take a long time before we actually have to lie to someone, but we’ve been in the arena of deception a long time before we lie.
HOW DO YOU WORK ON YOUR LYING?
This is the easy part: Don’t lie, tell the truth. Don’t try to sugar coat it, push it on someone else. Be honest about the action. Be honest about what led up to the action. Come clean. It does take a lot of nerve and courage to get here. Coming clean is not easy, but coming out of deception is a much harder process.
HOW DO YOU CLEAR THE AIR OF DECEPTION?
The biggest defense against deception is having good boundaries and good accountability.
I have to create an atmosphere where I’m telling the truth. I have to practice telling the truth. I’m not good at telling the truth because of my long history of sexual sin. It’s hard to tell the truth. It hurts.
I need to realize that there are greater consequences with not telling the truth. It may not feel that way with my wife or accountability, but truly it’s worse to keep covering up. It’s worse to lie.
I need truthful people in my life. People who are on my side in my support team encouraging me to tell the truth.
I need to know the Truth (Jesus). Of course I need to be in God’s Word, but most of all I need to be with Jesus who is Truth. John 8:32 “you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” I need to work on my relationship with Jesus. I need to get to know Him in order to know Truth.
ENCOURAGMENT FROM JEFF
Deception is a harder thing to pull out of than lying. Freedom from deception comes when we change the oxygen we breathe in and out. We have to breathe something different. We have to have others in our lives that help us breathe properly.
If you’re trying to walk in truth and light you’re not going to be very good at it at first. It’s going to be hard. It will feel very uncomfortable at first. But you have to keep practicing the truth. You have to know that being truthful is vital to you being right with God, having intimate relationships with your spouse, your friends, and sexual integrity.