Why Taking A Holistic Approach to Recovery Has Helped Me Progress

As I write this, it is early July and it is hard to believe the year is halfway over! I find this time of year is a great time to evaluate my progress this so far in 2025 and re-evaluate goals, strategies and motivations. (It also isn’t bad for grilling and watching fireworks!)

I recently repeated the X3 pure workshop series offered through XXXChurch and I highly recommend it. One of the reasons I really like this program is that it stresses the importance of real change by taking a holistic approach. As I reflect on my own recovery journey over this year and my recent past, it reminds me of the difference between seeking sobriety vs. whole person wellness.

When I began my recovery journey about 8 years ago, my main goal was simply to modify my behavior any way possible. In my mind I thought if I could just stop looking at porn my problems would be solved and I could move on with my life. However, I ran into several issues with this approach. The first was that it simply didn’t produce long term success. I would experience very short periods of sobriety, but would quickly run back to porn during moments of temptation. 

The second and even more significant realization was that I began to understand that there were other areas in my life I had to address. It eventually began to click that solely focusing on behavior modification doesn’t produce long term results because it fails to address the root causes of why I was returning to my behavior.

In his book Faith & Sex, Steven Luff writes about these two different approaches to recovery. He refers to simply focusing on changing behavior as “white knuckling” (or first order change). Luff contrasts that with real change (or second order change), which looks to dig deeper by addressing the causes of our behavior.

“White-Knuckle Change, also called ‘First Order Change,’ is changing behavior without addressing the underlying systems that produce the behavior: relationships, family, community,” Luff writes. “Real Change (Second order change) is changing the behavior because you addressed the systems that produced this behavior.”¹

Luff explains what I was quickly learning – that I needed to look below the tip of the iceberg if I wanted to experience real change. One recovery leader I worked with at the time described porn as a “predictable comfort” – this phrase really clicked for me. I began to realize that when I faced periods of stress or difficult emotions I would run back to porn to ease the pain. I realized that solving my porn problem was going to take more work than I thought and that internet filters and willpower alone were not going to provide the quick fix I was hoping for.  

However, the exciting part for me has been the discovery and understanding of what recovery can truly be. Instead of just gritting my teeth and focusing on NOT looking at porn, I have begun to understand recovery as a journey of self discovery. It’s exciting and far more invigorating than just trying for behavior modification through any means possible. 

I now understand recovery as an opportunity to gain a greater understanding of who God made me to be and through his Spirit having the courage to live it out. Recovery is a chance to build deeper relationships, understand myself better and work on goals that are positive and meaningful to me.

Through counseling, self reflection, and through the support of my livefree community, accountability partner and my wife, I have made progress. There is hope!

If you are trying to “quit” porn and are intrigued about the concept of real change, I encourage you to invest in the X3 Pure program and give it all of your energy. This holistic program focuses on body, mind, and spirit through recovery targets that focus on each of those three areas. X3 Pure includes practical steps to work toward recovery such as finding genuine accountability and developing an escape plan. It also provides many other tools and insights that will help lead to long term growth and success.

If you are just starting out on the journey or you don’t feel you have made the progress you want yet, doing the X3 pure workshop and joining a community such as Live Free are great ways to get on the right path. I hope you will join me and the many other men who are on this journey together!

¹Luff, Steven A. Faith & Sex. F&SC Press, 2024, pg. xxii (preface).