You Might Be A Sex Addict If…..
- …if you have traded a family heirloom for sex.
- …if you have traded you wedding ring for sex.
- …if you have stolen to get sex.
- …if you have lied to get sex.
- …if you spend more time looking at porn and masturbating than you do working.
- …if you said, “I will never do _XYZ_, and now you do _XYZ_ all the time.
- …if you have said, “I can quit any time I want to” but you can’t.
- …if it doesn’t matter who gets hurt, you can’t stop.
- …if you get the shakes if you don’t ejaculate within a certain period of time.
- …if you can’t go to sleep without ejaculating.
- …if you can’t relax without ejaculating.
- …if you think you will die without sex.
Addiction is a physical or mental dependence on a behavior or substance that a person feels powerless to stop. Source: healthline.com
I spent 34 years feeling powerless. I wanted to stop but thought I couldn’t and had plenty of evidence that was accumulating daily to prove that I couldn’t. There was a whole lot of conflict in me because part of me did not want to stop but wanted to go deeper into the addiction and part of me hated being out of control.
It’s not that we don’t enjoy sex, we just don’t enjoy being out of control. In fact, being out of control is sometimes a reason we turn to sex for help in the first place. For example, if you were abused as a child, or ignored by the opposite sex as a teenager, you may feel like you have no control so you seek it out. We pursue control by using what was used against us and find ourselves controlled by the very thing we wanted control over.
It is natural and normal for us to have a desire for and enjoyment of sex similar to the way we have a desire to eat food. What is a natural and normal part of our design crosses over into the realm of addiction when we surrender control to it. This is true whether it is sex or food.
Many people are not sex addicts though they may have sexual thoughts and are temptable. There are people who drink alcohol but are not controlled by alcohol. Everybody eats but not everyone is controlled by food. There are lots of reasons why a particular thing gains power over us. They can be biological, social, relational, environmental, or some combination of a multitude of things, so one person becomes an alcoholic and another becomes a sex addict. Both are being controlled.
What difference does it make if a person is an addict or not? It matters because an addict will never regain control of their life without help. As addicts, we have to come to the place where we admit our powerlessness over the controlling behavior and ask for help. Every 12 step program starts here.
1 Peter 5:6-7 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
To humble yourself is to admit your powerlessness. I can attest to the promise that at the right time He will lift you up in honor.
Accountability is a key component in recovery. XXXchurch.com offers two options for accountability.
X3 Groups is a online based group that meets weekly at the same time offering personal accountability with others. This is an option if you are unable to find someone in your area that will offer this help.
X3 Watch is another option that goes hand in hand with the X3 Groups and any accountability. This is a program that can be placed on either your computer or mobile devices.