The last few weeks we’ve been talking about the concept of freedom. What is is? If it’s even possible to achieve? And why do so many men and women continue to wrestle with their sexual struggles despite their “life-changing” faith in Christ?

Honestly, when you think about it, this is a valid question.

There are thousands of men and women going through life, seemingly not able to defeat their “porn demons.” At times, it certainly doesn’t seem like there is a whole lot of freedom going on despite Jesus’s assurances such as the one we find in John 8:31-32.

“If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’” 

But here’s the thing. While the Bible does say Jesus gives us freedom, it doesn’t guarantee that we’ll live in it. That’s why Jesus starts off his promise with the word “if”

Think about it.

In other words, we have a choice in the matter. Such was the case when I decided to walk away from my compulsive porn use. And I won’t tell you that the choice was an easy one. See, when I was in the early stages of my sobriety (from porn) I remember one time asking myself, “So does this mean I’ll never look at porn again?” 

NEVER?
REALLY?

Honestly, the idea of never looking at porn was a bit unnerving. You see, while porn was a slave master I wanted to get rid of, one that had brought me immense shame and sorrow, it was also a source of comfort. I had used porn for years to get through many tough times. Times when I was feeling stressed, angry, bored, or lonely.

Porn was in many ways my dirty little security blanket.

Of course now, over a decade later, it doesn’t freak me out at all thinking that same thing. I don’t need that slave master anymore. I’ve tasted freedom for some time now and freedom tastes good. Why would I ever want to go back?

But back then I didn’t have that insight. I didn’t have proof that a life without porn indeed equated to a better existence. I simply had to go on faith. I had to choose to believe that facing life on its own terms in an authentic manner would not be more painful than my addiction. In the end, it was a bit of a gamble if I’m being honest. But it was a gamble I was willing to take because I wanted what freedom promised more than the comfort of what I was leaving behind.

And so I honestly think a lot of people who struggle with porn are in this same boat I found myself in years ago. I believe if you asked them to get real honest, they would admit that they enjoy the comfort level porn use brings them. That while they may “want” freedom, they do not want it enough to leave behind their sexual security blankets.

Yes, they recognize that they are living in submission to a pretty brutal slave master. But in those moments of crisis and anxiety when things get real dark, their abusive relationship with pornography seems pretty welcoming, kind, and even safe.  And so they give up their hopes for freedom in exchange for something else. That something else is comfort. And the truth is that unless you’ve tasted and actually experienced real “freedom,” the idea of a porn-free, comfort-free existence is a bit daunting. 

It’s not easy walking away from the thing that has “helped” you all those years. Who’s going to be there when you are feeling lonely or anxious if not your welcoming master? Can you really  adopt a new way of thinking that accepts life on life’s terms and is open to adopting new skills that do not include the reliance on fantasy, (sexual) short cuts, and quick fixes? 

This crisis of decision is not only what stops so many from pursuing real recovery and freedom. It’s also what keeps them stuck seemingly forever facing “the wall” of their addiction. Because they fail to realize that freedom is not realized through behavior change, but life change. And the prospects of that changed life without porn can feel very scary.

So if that describes you, then here is my encouragement and advice…

  • Don’t walk into a recovery journey with a forever mindset (not at first).
  • Don’t worry about twenty years from now. 
  • Worry about today, this week, this month, and so on. 

It will take some time, but after enough sobriety and healing you will start to realize that you don’t need that slave master anymore. That the change in life you’ve been avoiding is exactly what you need the most. Eventually you won’t want that “comfort” and you will be able to look ahead and not fear a porn free existence. And when this happens, you’ll finally be ready to experience real freedom.

So, if you feel like you aren’t living in freedom…

  • Before you blame God.
  • Before you blame your spouse.
  • Before you abandon or reformulate your belief systems.

Ask yourself, do I really want freedom or do I like the comfort that comes with being a slave a little bit more?

By the way, if you are looking for a safe place to start your freedom journey, look no further than Small Groups Online. Our online support groups are perfect for those seeking sexual integrity, community, and mental wellbeing. Use code FREEDOM24 at checkout to get your first month for just $1.