So the recent discussion point here has been about fetishes and lifestyles. When it comes to sex, there is an abundance of “issues” to choose from.  I suppose there is no limit of ways to “customize” sexual interest and what turns you on.  But what can you do when the issue you are dealing with becomes an out of control issue that is more of a problem than something that you enjoy. Or perhaps it’s an issue that is “clearly” not healthy or condoned by God. I doubt anybody of sane mind would suggest that bestiality is acceptable behavior for anyone. What about things like S/M, that perhaps are more of a grey issue for some people? I don’t want to debate here whether it is acceptable and healthy behavior. Let’s just assume that since you are visiting this site you are having a struggle with this issue (or any other sexual deviation) and want help stopping this behavior. How can you do it? What can you do to change your behavior and be set free from the bondage of this sin? (Yes, pun intended, and get ready for a few more. Come on, lighten up a bit…)

I know the only suitable foundation block is the following: “Love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life” (Deuteronomy 30:20a).

If you want to break the chains, (pun #2) you must first decide it is time to change your lifestyle. There is some reason that it is unhealthy or unprofitable for you. Your spouse doesn’t like it, you can’t have sex without it, it has led you to explore on the Internet, you are consumed with guilt, whatever it may be.  It may at least seem to make you feel good and bring satisfaction, but if it is unhealthy for any reason you need to make changes. Change is also usually never easy.

Luke 9:23 says,  “Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.’”

I don’t know about you, but when I first read that verse it kind of seemed like, “OK, God just doesn’t want ne to have fun at all.” But it really is the opposite. God wants us to experience all the joys of life He has created for us.

Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Gal 5:16 “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

I believe that to really understand and live a joyful life as directed by these verses we must understand

  • 1) God loves us unconditionally, you don’t have to clean yourself up to KNOW that God loves you.
  • 2) Understand that generally speaking we do not have immediate success in overcoming areas of sin. It is a process that takes time and faith in our God who loves us.
  • 3) We must stop beating ourselves up (pun #3) when we fail and fall back. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
  • 4) Get help, confess our failures and seek a friend and partner you trust to help pick yourself up and dust yourself off. 4) Realize that it is better to be one inch away from failure and hopelessness but facing the other direction and walking away, than a thousand miles away from disaster yet heading straight towards the pit of despair.