If a church staff member is dealing with a porn issue, how should it be handled?
Everyday Pastors and Leadership Boards are having to make decisions on how to handle the discovery that a staff person is struggling with porn. Most people are not equipped to deal with this issue and therefore radical mistakes are made every day. I believe it is critical for pastors and leadership teams to think through their response to sexual sin prior to circumstances requiring a plan. We always do better when we are actively prepared – I would rather be proactive than reactive in dealing with sexual sin. You can fly by the seat of your pants of you can start talking and thinking about this now – it will be something you have to handle with one of your staff members soon.
At the root you have to determine what kind of church do you want to be? The way you deal with a staff members sexual sin will communicate to the church how you will deal with them. Is your church driven by grace or law. If you are driven by the law there is no excuses, no second chances, and no explanations needed. If you break the moral conduct code you are fired. A friend of mine broke the code and was brought up in front of the church and forced to confess his struggle to the whole 1500 member church. As you can imagine it went over wonderfully for him and his family. I think he lives in another country now!
First word of encouragement,
Lead With Grace & Respect.
Chances are you may only be one bad decision away from sitting in his or her seat. Remember, all have sinned, all have failed, and all are capable. Lead with grace and a heart for healing and restoration. If you aren’t into grace and restoration, find a new job!
Second, Provide Resources & Demand Accountability.
Give the staff member a road to walk to experience freedom from the struggle. Build a plan with accountability. Say to the staff person, “If you are unwilling to take the steps we have laid out today you will no longer work here. However, this plan may also lead you to stay on staff and become the person God desires for you.” When you lead with grace and respect you keep the communication door open. Work strategically with this staff member on a plan and assist financially if that plan costs money. Go out of your way to help.
Every plan must come with heavy accountability. Who is going to walk with this staff member now and in the months to come? Without the help of others and ongoing accountability relapse is likely. Everyone needs to walk through life with others and be accountable for their actions – this is a gift for each person walking the road to recovery.
Third, Allow for Complete Restoration.
If they walk the walk and achieve growth and healing, reinstate them. This is a case by case bases because every discovery and sexual sin is different. There are situations where you can accomplish steps 1 & 2 but not offer them their job back. For some this process may be longer than others. I believe that God can and does completely restore people who sin (us) and that he uses broken, bruised, and struggling people to make incredible impacts for his kingdom.
Listen to the spirit and discern what complete restoration looks like for each circumstance.