Is S&M the new normal? How do we as pastors talk about this in council?
Well… is it? It certainly is becoming more mainstream, normative in media and general cultural conversation. But is it a socially accepted genre or it is still a closeted vice that should stay there? As our culture progresses more and more liberally, you can expect S&M to become more commonplace, and therefore something that you as a pastor will need to be prepared to deal with.
In light of this progression, it will be essential you deal with the value of a person and their humanity; who God created them to be and how they are to be seen by others. S&M is not blatantly discussed in scripture, though some people may think the Bible alludes to this conversation. Because we do not deal with allusions on this site, let us look at the core of the S&M behavior and the value of a person.
First then, why do people engage in S&M behavior? Let’s not beat around the bush here and just come out with the top three reasons we have seen:
- S&M is an attempt to spice up the relationship.
- S&M is an attempt to procure dominance in a relationship.
- S&M is new and different.
Can anyone disagree with the statement, “to try something new?” It would be hard to, but at what time to you understand that the newness of your sexuality is not the issue? There is something deeper here than an attempt at being fresh in your sex life. What about the issue of dominance? If your sexuality is based upon an inequality of each person in the relationship, then again, there are deeper issues at hand. Lastly, is the necessity to deal with the spiciness of a relationship. There is no denying the fact that relationships go through both peaks and valleys. However, is it the spice of S&M that breaks a relationship free to become a peak again where it used to be a valley, or is it something deeper? I would argue that it is indeed something deeper. It is the relationship as a whole, two people coming together in an attempt to be as close as possible. The spice you once lost is but back not because of adding spice, but at working at your relationship as a team.
In conclusion, if you are a pastor who is attempting to deal with the issue of S&M, be aware of the following key points:
- S&M is not a biblical thing, it is a personhood thing.
- S&M is becoming normative, so you must learn to wrestle with it.