Now I don’t want to get too philosophical or simple in trying to answer this but there are some assumptions in the title that assume the deliverance from a pornography addiction is a destination that once reached means you are forever set free. My experience thus far indicates it is less of a destination and more of a purposeful walk.
I believe I started walking in freedom the moment I took this pornography addiction from the darkness of my own world into the light of confession, transparency and accountability. While I was still having episodes of searching for pornography and masturbating through this time the freedom was still there as long as I still humbled myself by continually confessing to 3-4 others so to be completely ‘known’ and sticking to the plan I had made with my wife and accountability partners.
I was told that ‘you are only as sick as your darkest secrets’, freedom must therefore be bringing to light these secrets whatever the consequence and I know for me the fear of the consequence of coming clean is what kept me from freedom. Instead of freedom being a place of complete release from pornographic urges it is instead a place of being completely known by others and in this space I seem to have the upper hand over my addictions, thought life, angers, selfish dreams….
The emotional and spiritual freedom that confession, transparency and accountability gave me then allowed the room to deal with the physical dimension of the addiction such as trying to change ways of thinking and built habits that fostered the addiction.
As soon as I let the practice of being completely known or i closed down, put up walls or try to hid my pornographic episodes from my support network I slowly drifted back into the prison of addiction regardless of the amount of time that has passed since my last episode. This understanding has ‘pushed’ me towards using as much energy as possible to become continually ‘known’ to selected others instead of applying every waking hour fighting what and where my addicted eyes are focused. It is not an either/or proposition as I need to instigate will power and practical disciplines but it is the practice of opening up and being known by 3-4 others that ensures my freedom from pornography addiction is not just a three month reprieve before being locked up again.
It is unexplainable the feeling of life I have by being completely known by a small group of others. Not just for my pornography addiction but also for hopes, dreams, big decisions and most issues of life.