Pure Eyes: A Men’s Guide to Sexual Integrity
Chapter 4 – It’s Not What You Think; Defining Normal Sexuality
“What The Bible Says”
(Gen. 38:9), Lot and his daughters (Gen. 19:30–38), David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), the Corinthians, and others. From these stories, and the Levitical law, we could develop our own version of what is right and wrong regarding sex. Let there be no mistake about it, this would be our own version of what is right and wrong. Every single Christian community from the resurrection on down has devised their own rules—based on the Bible, mind you—of what sex is for and how it should be used: “sex is only between a man and his wife”; “sex is only between a man and his wives”; “sex is wrong for both men and women”; “sex is only for procreation”; “sex is to be enjoyed”; “sex is an abomination.” The list goes on and on.
To devise and list a set of rules and regulations to be followed regarding sex would not only be the easy way out, it would not help you in any way achieve the freedom and
sobriety you are looking for. We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again, Jesus doesn’t just want you to look good from the outside; he wants you to feel good from the inside because if you feel good from the inside, your outsides will glow with his light and glory. Throughout the years, both of us have been asked many questions regarding what is right and wrong in terms of sex.
The big questions are:
Is it okay to masturbate?
Is it okay to have oral sex?
Is it okay for me and my fiancée to have sex before marriage if we plan on being married anyway?
Is it okay to look at porn if I am married and my wife knows about it?
Is it okay if my wife and I look at porn together?
Is it okay if my wife and I use sexual aids?
Is it okay if I masturbate to R-rated movies?
Is it okay to slap my wife when we have sex?
Is it okay for my wife to slap me when we have sex?
Is it okay to have sexual fantasies about men but not actually have sex with them?
Is it okay to have homosexual sex?
Hopefully one can see by this list of questions how absurd it would be for anyone to simply answer yes or no to any of these questions. Sure, we could point to Scripture to explain the reasons for answering either yes or no, but it is more important to determine why we do what we do. Instead of asking what is “right” and what is “wrong” regarding certain sexual practices, the better question to ask is, Why do I want to do it?
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