Have you ever felt that boiling anger?  It sits there below the surface and you feel like you can blow at any moment and sometimes do.  Someone is going to get it…..your husband?  Your kids? Friends?  The drive thru person at Starbucks that gets your order wrong….

What if it is justified anger?  Your husband has cheated.  You catch him looking at porn for the 200th time.  What do we do with that?

I have recently read that anger is a secondary emotion and that all anger can be traced back to one of these four emotions:  guilt, inferiority, fear, and pain.    When you look at your anger, do you see one of these?  I do.  But what do I do with my anger?

Here’s some good news.  It’s okay to be angry about these offenses.  You have been deeply hurt and betrayed.  What a comfort to know that God is big enough to handle all of these emotions–anger, guilt, fear, inferiority and pain.  Not only does He hold every tear that falls from your eyes, but He is also capable to handle this loved one who has wounded you.  In the face of our anger, take comfort in God’s unfathomable love for us that isn’t ostracized by our anger or our loved ones betrayal.  He’s got it all.  Check these verses out:

Numbers 14:18
“The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. “

So God has some patience with us and is slow to anger.  But that is God,  I don’t have to offer that……do I?  After all, I’m the one who is right, he’s wrong.  Isn’t this justified anger? Maybe, but here’s what Ephesians has to say:

Ephesians 4:26
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

So, I can be angry as long as I don’t sin?  Again I think we go back to those primary emotions.  What are we really feeling?  I bet you anything God has healing to do in you.  We spill the milk and God mops the floor.  So here’s my prayer for you–that the Lord will show you what you really need to face and work though.  That you will be bold and chase this healing–anger, hurt, fear, guilt and all.   I want to end with a specific prayer for your husband (and you).  At our church, I helped to start a prayer group for wives to pray for their husbands….this is one of the prayers written by a woman named Diane.  Pray with me:


‘….let (husbands name) throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles (him), and let (him) run with perseverance the race marked out for (him).  I pray that (Husbands name) will fix (his) eyes on You, Jesus, the author and perfecter of (his) faith ….(I pray that he would) consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that (he) will not grow weary and lose heart.”  Rather  “let (husbands name) press on towards  the goal to win the prize for which (You have) called (him) heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  In Jesus’ name, AMEN.

(Hebrews 12:1-3 and Phil 3:14)