ATTENTION TROUBLED MARRIAGES: Do YOU Want Your Marriage or Not?
“When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed
the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. Great crowds
followed him there, and he healed them. One day the Pharisees were
badgering him: ‘Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any
reason?’
He answered, ‘Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator
originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And
because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to
his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God
created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate
his art by cutting them apart.’
They shot back in rebuttal, ‘If that’s so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?’
Jesus said, ‘Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard
heartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you
to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you
divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an
exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.’
Jesus’ disciples objected, ‘If those are the terms of marriage, we’re stuck. Why get married?’
But Jesus said, ‘Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life.
It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone.
Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never
get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom
reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of
marriage, do it.’”—Matthew 19:1-12 (Message)
“Struggle ends where commitment begins.”—Sumner Davenport
Covenant:: an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to
do or not do something specified; a solemn agreement between the
members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the
gospel
Divorce: a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in
part, esp. one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial
obligations; total separation; disunion; to break the marriage contract
between oneself and (one’s spouse) by divorce; to separate; cut off
Do you know one of the (many) reasons why I have no problem with
secular music? Because it addresses issues that Christian/gospel music
(usually) does not; issues that need to be talked about…on a
consistent basis. Martial infidelity is certainly one of those issues.
Take the lyrics of the following song, “What Kind of Man Would I Be” by
the R&B group, Mint Condition, for instance:
Verse:
You say you feel disenchanted
Cause lately he takes you for granted
Still faithful and true you’ve remain to hurt so have I
You pour out your heart and I listen
And we catch a vibe reminiscing
Temptation so strong not to mention the yearning inside
Chorus:
But what kind of man would I be
If I lived unfaithfully
And what kind of girl would you be
If you did the same
Cause I don’t want to see her cry
And you don’t need a reason to lie
Cause if we lay down tonight
It won’t justify throwing love aside
When is the last time you heard that performed during Praise and
Worship? And yet, the divorce rate among believers is pretty much
neck-and-neck with those of “the world”. Being that the Church is
supposed to be modeling its life after Christ, and being that Christ
came to provide us a path to abundant living (John 10:10), why wouldn’t
issues that take people away from this privileged position be talked
about? THEY SHOULD BE.
But this isn’t a message about the seemingly irresponsible ignorance of
the Church (as a whole). This is about the covenant of marriage;
actually, it’s about addressing a major attacker of the covenant:
INFIDELITY. Now just so we’re all in the same book, chapter and page,
let’s explore the definitions of the word:
Infidelity: marital disloyalty; adultery; unfaithfulness; lack of
religious faith; a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression
SO THERE’S ALL KINDS OF WAYS TO CHEAT, RIGHT? Let me also say before I
proceed, that while it was due to some wives coming to me at their
wit’s end about their marriage (and for the haters, again, PAUL IS WHO
WROTE THE MOST ON MARRIAGE and PAUL WAS SINGLE-I Corinthians 7), this
isn’t just about wives being the victims due to their husbands being
victimizers. In any relationship, two parties are involved
and…statistics show that it’s WOMEN who, for instance, are in greater
danger of committing emotional adultery. While doing some quick
research, “About.Com: Marriage” provided some great “uh hello, you’re
getting in over your head here” warning signs of an emotional affair:
Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair
You are withdrawing from your spouse.
You are preoccupied and daydream about your friend more and more.
You are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.
The amount of time you and your spouse spend together is less.
When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond, “We’re just friends.”
You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your friend again. Alone time together is important to you.
You are sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.
You find reasons to give your friend personal gifts.
Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
You are keeping your friendship a secret from your spouse.
And, according to this article (http://marriage.about.com/
“If you answer ‘yes’ to more than 2 or 3 of these questions, you are
courting disaster in your marriage by being in an emotional affair.”
Now while we’re here, let me say this: This article is speaking about
romantic emotional affairs, but I will go out on a limb (where the
fruit is—Galatians 5:22-23) and say that if you are doing these
things with anyone; in other words, if someone else knows more about
what’s going on in your marriage than your own spouse does, then you
are still in an emotional affair.
Sneaking around to call your girlfriends (James 1:19-20). Telling all
of your issues to your mama (Genesis 2:24). Preferring to be anywhere
but with your spouse (Proverbs 5:15), these are all warning flags as
well. Why do I say that? Because the Bible says that when a man and a
woman marry, they become ONE (Matthew 19:6). To be “one” is to be
“existing, acting, or considered as a single unit, entity, or
individual”. What happens if you don’t eat? What happens if you don’t
intake liquids? What happens if you don’t get adequate sleep and
exercise? You will put your health in severe jeopardy, right? Well,
when you don’t give your marital relationship the care and concern that
it requires, the same thing takes place. WHAT YOUR PARTNER NEEDS IS
WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE…MUTUALLY.
So let’s stop here for a moment: Regardless of where you are in your
marriage, when was the last time you inquired of your partner’s needs?
Not what you think they should have or even what you think you
deserve…but what they desire for them to feel holistically nurtured?
Everyone who knows me knows I am a book lover. Many people also know,
but it seems that even more don’t, about Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five
Love Languages” (http://www.fivelovelanguag
According to him, there are five primary ways to express love to
someone else: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts
of Service and Gifts. Also, according to him, one of the greatest
challenges in a relationship is that we tend to “speak” what we want
“said” to us and not what the other person needs to hear. When was the
last time you asked your partner how they needed to hear/receive the
love that you have for them?
Just yesterday, I was engaged in an intriguing conversation about this
very issue. A wife said, “If you’re not loving me in a way that I can
feel it, then you’re not loving me at all.”
An interesting perspective, indeed. But is that totally true? I don’t
always get what I want from God (although I always get what I need) and
the Bible says that God is love (I John 4:16). Growing up, my parents
didn’t always do what I thought was best for me, but does that mean
that they didn’t love me? Even in some of the relationships that I am
in now, because we are individuals, sometimes there are disagreements,
but not because there is no love there. However, what the wife said is
what I believe most people think: If you are not loving me how I
need/want to feel it then it’s non-existent and that being that case, I
am either going to detach myself from you…or get out of the
relationship. Yes, your needs are valid and so is your partner’s, but
love is a deep thing…we must go deeper.
It’s here that this message really begins. I’m sure this could go on
forever (and ever…and ever), but I am going to share what the Holy
Spirit, OUR HELPER (John 14:26) gave me. There will be a section for
the person cheating, the person being cheated on and the “other
things/people” who are the accomplice to the crime…AND INFIDELITY, IT
IS INDEED A CRIME. I don’t claim to be able to provide all of the
answers and I strongly encourage you to seek the Father following this
message concerning his will for your particular union, but I will say
this:
God, who is described as being love, hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)
God describes those who say more than “yes” or “no” to be from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37-NCV)
In other words, when you decided to take the vow of “till death parts
you”, God was holding you to your word (keep that in mind, singles!).
It was the power of words that put this entire earth into being.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us that death and life are in the power of the
tongue. WHEN YOU MAKE A PROMISE GOD EXPECTS YOU TO KEEP IT. Can he
forgive you for not following through? Sure (I John 1:9). But will you
avoid the consequences of not keeping your word…to both him and your
covenant partner? I don’t believe that you will:
“Do not be fooled: You cannot cheat God. People harvest only what they
plant. If they plant to satisfy their sinful selves, their sinful
selves will bring them ruin. But if they plant to please the Spirit,
they will receive eternal life from the Spirit.”—Galatians 6:7-8 (NCV)
One of the greatest lessons that I had to learn re: my own poor choices
is that it’s rare that I can predict what my consequences will be when
it comes to doing what I want to do rather than following God’s Word.
You can’t either. All of God’s instruction (2 Timothy 3:16) is for our
protection. I think one of the reasons that God hates divorce and, for
that matter, infidelity so much is because of the multi-layered
detrimental effects that it has…not just on the husband and wife, but
the many people that relationship touches/affects/influences
And so, before even reading the rest of this, you must ask yourself NOW
whether not you want your marriage. Not “Well, if he would treat me
better” or “If she would just get off my back”. This question isn’t
contingent upon the other individual. YOU have to decide what YOU want,
first. Love is more than just a feeling. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that
the heart is deceitful and so you must be very careful making decisions
based on what your heart says (which is how a lot of people get into
premature marriages in the first place!). Love is a commitment…a
discipline. Hebrews 12:11 (AMP) says, “For the time being no discipline
brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a
peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it
[a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness–in conformity to
God’s will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living
and right standing with God].”
God’s Word promised that there would be trials and tribulations in this
world, but he also said that it would be for a season…and a purpose:
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God
through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by
faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the
glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations,
knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance,
character; and character, HOPE.”—Romans 5:1-4 (NKJV)
“Now faith is the substance of things HOPED for, the evidence of things not seen.”—Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)
And without faith, without the substance of things HOPED FOR, it’s impossible to please God, right? (Hebrews 11:6)
Hope: (n) the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events
will turn out for the best; (v) to look forward to with desire and
reasonable confidence; to believe, desire, or trust
Your marriage is not made up of two people. It’s made up of two people
and one Godhead. Philippians 3:3 admonishes us to not put confidence in
the flesh (yours or your mates); especially more than God. A God who
can, and will not fail you. To have hope is to believe. Proverbs 13:12
says that it’s hope deferred which makes the heart sick. A lot of
people file for divorce because “their heart tells them to” when the
reality is that they’ve really just lost hope. You should never
consider yourself a follower of Christ and be hopeless…NOT EVER. If
you are in a testing time right now, you must hold on to Mark 9:23
which tells us that all things are possible to him who believes. You
must remind yourself that God is a shield, a protector for those who
put their trust in him (Proverbs 30:5). Before you were ever someone’s
spouse, you were God’s child. He sees all, he knows all. There is
NOTHING that the Enemy (or your spouse) can do without his knowledge of
it (Job 1:8-12). This isn’t just about how much you love/don’t love
your mate, but also how much you trust/don’t trust the one who made
him/her.
That said…if you asked yourself the question and the answer was “no”,
before making any moves, I beg of you to pray, “Create in me a pure
heart, God, and make my spirit right again.”—Psalm 51:10 (NCV) It’s
only the spirit man who can even begin to fathom the purpose and power
of marriage because it’s a SPIRIT-BASED UNION (I Corinthians 2:14) You
must be willing to look at your marriage and your spouse through the
image of God; not the desires for self. If the answer is “yes”, but you
feel that you are at your wit’s end,I encourage you to claim the Lord’s
promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made
perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10-NKJV)) and my prayer for
you (inbox me so that I can call you out by name) is I Peter 5:10
(NKJV): “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal
glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect,
establish, strengthen, and settle you.” You must get SETTLED in your
decision. You can’t let what you see sway you. If you are committed, be
committed. As the lead quote says, a lot of people’s struggle is not in
the relationship, but the lack of dedicating to a decision re: it.
Either you is or you ain’t. There’s no “lukewarm” when it comes to
marriage (Revelation 3:16).
THE CHEATER: I Peter 3:7 says that a husband is to dwell with his wife
according to understanding (superior power of discernment; enlightened
intelligence). Proverbs 6:32 (NKJV) says, “Whoever commits adultery
with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own
soul.” Let’s be straight up here. If you’re DISLOYAL IN ANY WAY TO YOUR
UNION, whether male or female, then you are committing adultery and God
will judge you for it (Hebrews 13:4). If you are disloyal in any way.
It’s an entire message unto itself the kinds of ways that one can be
unfaithful, but what I am led to say to you is that being faithful is a
Fruit of the Spirit; it’s evidence that the Holy Spirit is living
within you. When you are faithful, you are not just “engaging in sex
only with one’s spouse”, but you are being “true to one’s word,
promises, vows, etc.”; “steady in allegiance or affection; loyal;
constant “; “worthy of trust or belief; reliable” and you are FULL OF
FAITH.
What an “ah ha” moment, right? The cheater is basically one who is
lacking faith. Again, no one pleases God when they do that. If you are
“LACKING IN FAITH” when it comes to your marriage right now, whether
it’s with a person, place, thing or idea, this is a flat out warning to
you: “When people are tempted, they should not say, ‘God is tempting
me.’ Evil cannot tempt God, and God himself does not tempt anyone. But
people are tempted when their own evil desire leads them away and traps
them. This desire leads to sin, and then the sin grows and brings
death. My dear brothers and sisters, do not be fooled about
this.”—James 1:13-16 (NCV)
Romans 6:23 tells us that the wages of sin is death (extinction;
destruction). As sure as I am typing this, as sure as I am aware that
“9” in the Bible symbolizes finality, if you are in an adulterous
situation, YOU NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW. I don’t care if it’s the
woman up the street or the porn star on the tape. You are in a
covenant, even sexually, with your mate and because of that, you answer
to God. It is your mate and only your mate who has authority (the power
to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes;
jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine) over your
body (I Corinthians 7:4). Proverbs 10:12 does tell us that love covers
sin, but if you are committing adultery, you are taking this for
granted…you are abusing God’s grace and mercy. You are on your way to
not only being exposed, but humiliated because you will not humble
yourself to repent. James 5:16 admonishes us to confess our faults SO
THAT WE MAY BE HEALED. You must go to your spouse NOW with your
indiscretions; the fact that you are hesitant to do so shows that you
are not willing to release the demon that’s holding you. The only
relationship that should take precedence over the one you have with
your covenant partner is the one you have with God. MARRIAGE IS A GODLY
UNION. I Kings 11 tells of Solomon turning away from God due to all of
the women that he loved. YOUR ADULTERY IS TAKING YOU AWAY FROM GOD and
like Solomon and his father David (2 Samuel 11 and 12), if you do not
stop NOW, there will be grave consequences. The Enemy did not tempt you
with the affair to “fill a void” but to dig you a grave. If you are
lying to your spouse, by omission or commission, you are being
unfaithful and judgment is soon to come upon you:
“For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the
light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”—John 3:20 (NKJV)
If you don’t tell your spouse, GOD WILL. If you don’t repent, you will be broken.
THE CHEATEE: When you took the vows, “for better or for worse”, what
did you think would happen? Just better? Or just worse according to
what you want to deal with? So many of us have seen “The Passion of
Christ” and gotten all choked up. We take communion in remembrance of
the extreme sacrifice that was made and yet, when we read about
marriage being paralleled with Christ and his Church (Ephesians
5:22-25), somehow we grow a deafened ear or act like it’s poetic
license. MARRIAGE IS A MINISTRY. If you are someone currently in a
broken marriage and you haven’t read “Redeeming Love” (Francine
Rivers), I highly recommend that you get it. It’s a
modernized/fictionalized tale of Hosea and Gomer. It’s POWERFUL. But, I
also encourage you to realize that an unfaithful marriage goes both
ways.
Now, you can best believe that God loathes adultery. So much so that he
did say that one could divorce because of it (Matthew 5:32). But he
still hates it. When Christ was on the earth and he taught his
disciples to pray, one of the things he said we should do is ask for
God to forgive our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against
us (Matthew 6:12). It’s a no-brainer that we all are sinful (I John
1:10) and it’s my belief (via personal experience) that it’s pride that
makes us determine which sins are worse that others. Just so we’re
clear:
“Surely you know that the people who do wrong will not inherit God’s
kingdom. Do not be fooled. Those who sin sexually, worship idols, take
part in adultery, those who are male prostitutes, or men who have
sexual relations with other men, those who steal, are greedy, get
drunk, lie about others, or rob—these people will not inherit God’s
kingdom. “–I Corinthians 6:9-10 (NCV)
Yeah, adultery is in there, but so is a lot of other stuff. Idolatry, for one:
Idol: an image or other material object representing a deity to which
religious worship is addressed; a figment of the mind; fantasy; a false
conception or notion; fallacy
Did you catch the last definition of “idolatry”? Before leaving your
covenant relationship in search of something “better”, please proceed
with EXTREME caution. For starters, Mark 10:11-13 (NKJV) says, “So He
said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits
adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries
another, she commits adultery.” That’s self-explanatory. Secondly, the
stats on divorce aren’t very promising. I recently read an article by
author Robert Grazian, a man who is passionate about the issue of
divorce, and it stated:
“Divorce has become a common occurrence both in the United States and
around the world. According to divorce statistics, it is estimated that
between 40 percent and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce in
the United States. In some countries, divorce rates for first marriages
exceed 50 percent. Second and third marriages in the United States have
even higher divorce rates. According to statistics, second marriages
fail at a rate of 60-67 percent, and third marriages fail at a rate of
73-74 percent.
Divorce statistics show that there are number of reasons why marriages
fail. According to divorced couples, the number one reason that
marriage fails is due to either a lack of communication or poor
communication. The second most cited reason for divorce is martial
conflicts and arguments. Thirdly, many divorced couples say infidelity
led to divorce. While these are the primary reasons cited for divorce,
statistics show that there are several underlying factors that
contribute to these trends. These factors include, but are not limited
to: age, education, income, religion, and cohabitation.”
Do you see how infidelity ranks THIRD? Communication and conflict came
before that…leading me to believe that, in many cases, whether the
“cheatee” wants to acknowledge it or not, the first two were the
perfect breeding ground for disloyalty. COMMUNICATION GOES BOTH WAYS;
CONFLICT, TOO. To determine that you should be worthy of forgiveness
while the one that you are one with is not, that is a spiritual
sucker’s bet. The Enemy is lying to you (John 8:44) and when you
purpose to use your own ideology to drive that one spirit (of someone
else’s indiscretion) out, please believe he’s got more waiting to fill
the space…to leave you worse off than you were before (Matthew
12:45). Christ said in Matthew 19 that divorce was instituted due to
the hardness of a man’s heart. When someone betrays you,
understandably, it can make you bitter (characterized by intense
antagonism or hostility; resentful or cynical), but don’t allow
yourself to worship the idol of bitterness:
“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will
see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of
God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by
this many become defiled…”—Hebrews 12:14-16 (NKJV)
THE ENEMY HATES MARRIAGE. NO MARRIAGE IS WITHOUT HARDSHIP. It’s funny
how we’ll all discuss “deal breakers” when, in love, is there really
such a thing? You take a vow until death…isn’t death the deal
breaker? Just as I warned the ones committing adultery, I am led to
remind you of the promise that you made. YES THEY BROKE THEIR WORD. Be
careful that you do not follow their lead in doing the same. And what
happens if they leave? Well, make sure to read ALL of what the Word
says re: that:
“The husband who is not a believer is made holy through his believing
wife. And the wife who is not a believer is made holy through her
believing husband. If this were not true, your children would not be
clean, but now your children are holy. But if those who are not
believers decide to leave, let them leave. When this happens, the
Christian man or woman is free. But God called us to live in peace.
Wife, you don’t know; maybe you will save your husband. And husband,
you don’t know; maybe you will save your wife.”—I Corinthians 7:14-16
(NCV)
Christ went through some excruciating things so that we might be saved.
SALVATION IS A CHOICE. In marriage, more than anything, serving the
soul of another so that they might be led to the love of Christ, that
is not only admirable, but the ultimate purpose. A cheating mate is a
lost mate. Their soul is weighing in the balance. As God’s children and
followers of Christ, are we called to abandon the lost or reach them?
To leave them or love them? YOU AND GOD HAVE TO COME TO THE RESOLVE ON
THE ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS.
THE ACCOMPLICE: I have been the accomplice. Looking back, I see that
the Enemy, by me sleeping with so many other people’s boyfriends, was
setting me up to be the ultimate “hoochie mama”. It’s funny…but not
really. Proverbs 5 says a woman who helps a man break covenant brings
sorrow…causes pain; she is on the way to death and her steps are
headed to the grave. It goes on to say that she gives little thought to
life. Christ came to give ABUNDANT life. The tempter/temptress couldn’t
care less about the quality of life. If you happen to be reading this
and you are the one involved in an affair with a married person (and
let me just say to the singles that having any kind of sexual activity
with someone you are not in covenant with is no better than cheating on
your covenant partner…NO BETTER AT ALL!), YOU BETTER PULL OUT NOW,
TOO. You are breaking not just one, but SEVERAL of God’s Ten
Commandments (Exodus 20:3-17):
You have put a god before God.
I’m sure you are dishonoring your parents.
You’re committing adultery.
You’re stealing.
You’re lying to yourself and others.
You’re desiring what doesn’t belong to you.
Matthew 5:18-20 (NKJV) says, “For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven
and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from
the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the
least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least
in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall
be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you, that unless
your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and
Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.”
John 14:15-18 says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will
pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide
with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive,
because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He
dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I
will come to you.”
The Spirit of truth supports fidelity. The Spirit of truth honors
covenant. The Spirit of truth knows that sex is only for the sanctity
of marriage. If you are involved in an adulterous situation, the truth
is not in you; there is no good end result for a liar (Revelation
21:8). My book recommendation for you? It’s the one that got me to take
sex really seriously. It’s “Sacred Sex” by Tim Alan Gardner. One of the
things that I love most about it is that the author focuses on the
spiritual ONENESS of sex rather the physical pleasure of ORGASMS. God
gave sex to married couples to solidify their oneness. YOU HAVE NO
RIGHT TO TRY AND TEAR THAT UP. The Bible says that what God has joined
together, NO MAN (or woman) should put asunder (into separate parts; in
or into pieces). That is not a suggestion; that is a mandate. I
Thessalonians 2:4 says that God tests the heart. James 1:13 says that
no one should ever say they are tempted of God. If you are
rationalizing an inappropriate relationship with a married person, IT
IS EVIL and GOD IS NO WHERE IN IT. You need to repent and be converted
(Acts 3:19). You will not benefit from being an accomplice to the
breaking of a covenant. EVER.
And what if the “accomplice” is not a person, but a thing? If you are
the “cheater” reading this, Matthew 26:41 (NKJV) tells us, “Watch and
pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but
the flesh is weak”, and I Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV) says, “No temptation
has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful,
who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with
the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able
to bear it.”
“I can’t help myself” won’t cut it. Your commitment to your vice(s)
reflects you spiritual immaturity. My first recollection of Dr. Phil
was him speaking to a promiscuous person who claimed she wanted to
stop. She was breaking out the crocodile tears and everything! His
response to all of the dramatics was,
“You don’t want to stop. If you wanted to stop, you’d stop. There’s
obviously some kind of pay off you are getting for still doing it.”
The same goes for porn, strip clubs, sex toys (how do dildos and
vibrators, especially for the purpose of self-gratification, create a
“oneness” in sex with your partner???)…and whatever else you are
using to cause a breach of trust with them. When it comes to sex, your
partner should ALWAYS be involved and in that involvement their TOTAL
(mind, body and spirit) WELL-BEING should be taken into consideration
and honored…at all times. Sex is not a game. Sex is a gift.
Well, I have said all that I have been given to say…except for one
more thing: Over the last week, God led me to encourage some covenant
partners of mine (in Christ) to go into a seven-day prayer calling upon
his various names.
Toward the end of the week, God led me to his name, EL-BERITH which
means, “The God of Covenant”. My life has not been the same since.
Wherever you fall in this scenario, I plead with you to pray to
El-Berith and ask him to reveal to you what you should do regarding
your covenant (or your involvement in one). I Corinthians 10:7-9 (NKJV)
warns us:
“And do not become idolaters as were some of them. As it is written,
‘The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play.’ Nor let us
commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day
twenty-three thousand fell; nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them
also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents…”
Sex is a beautiful thing. Sexual immorality is horrifically distorted.
Love is a blessed thing. Lust is its counterfeit.
Sex within covenant will bless you. Sex outside of covenant will destroy you.
My sincere prayer goes out to all who are in any of these categories. I
ask God to grant you a sense of urgency (cheater), a supernatural dose
of grace and mercy (cheatee) and for you, if you are a human
accomplice, that you will repent and remove yourself…IMMEDIATELY.
Both the promises and the wrath of God are sure. One cannot fully
predict the magnitude of either.
Marriage is a covenant. It’s time we all started to respect that.
And the Creator of it.
If you’re married, wanting to remain in covenant, is a great—and GODLY—place to begin.
©Shellie R. Warren/2009