Statistics say that 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.
Today’s last and final episode of eXXXamine – Real & Raw Conversations About Porn & Purity was vital for me to bring to you because of this alarming statistic. If 56% of divorces are linked to one party having a porn obsession, then we need to talk about this!
I am grateful that Michelle is transparent enough to share her story with us today on eXXXamine! Michelle has worked for XXXchurch.com for 15 years. She discovered XXXchurch while browsing the internet to seek help for her husband, who was miserable in his addiction.
Statistics say that 70% of people in church watch porn.
Michelle’s ex-husband fits this mold. They were in church, but the church wasn’t talking about this issue. I imagine the reason why SEVENTY percent of people in church watch porn is because to this day porn is still a taboo topic. God’s people will continue to suffer in silence until the church starts talking about it.
Michelle stumbled upon XXXchurch.com and realized that there is hope and help available. If you’re reading this today, I want you to know the same! There are hope and support available to you also. You are not alone.
How Michelle Found Out About Her Ex-Husband’s Addiction:
She knew about his struggles before marriage, but she wasn’t aware of the degree to which he struggled. She remembers the time after marriage that he confessed his porn addiction to her. She said he was broken when he broached this conversation.
Does Marriage Cure Porn Addiction?
Some people might agree that if you’re not having sex before marriage, then once you get married, your porn problems will vanish because now you’re having sex. However, this isn’t the case. Lack of sex isn’t the issue. Porn isn’t even the issue. Porn is the “fruit,” but the hurt is the root. Marriage doesn’t heal a broken heart. Healing comes from God and from being intentional about receiving it. To get rid of porn addiction, one must discover the root of their addiction and do the hard work that begets healing.
How Should I React to My Husband’s Porn Addiction?
Michelle shared some wisdom on this. She learned from experience that the best approach is a Christ-like one. A response laced with love, kindness, and compassion. Although this one is challenging, your spouse needs a safe place for your spouse. It’s hard not to take his addiction as a personal attack. You might wonder, “If I only looked like she did, would he watch porn?” Or, “Am I not good enough?” Try not to take his addiction personally. This is an issue of his heart. All you can do is be there for support and accountability and continue to challenge in love and truth that points to a better way. Consider grace when he makes mistakes and encourage him on his journey. Easier said than done, I know. But hurting him with your words won’t make your marriage (or you) better, nor will it help his addiction.
A Word of Encouragement For The Wife of an Addict
“It is not about you. Chances are this was happening long before you ever met him. It’s okay to be angry and upset. It’s okay to be afraid of the future. It is okay to have those feelings. Know that your value isn’t dependant on what your husband does or doesn’t do. Find your value and worth. In whatever it is you want to root yourself into. For us (Brittni and I) it’s the Lord, and the knowledge God gives us about our value, worth, and gifting. We know that He loves us and that He loves you! There is help and there is hope! We have some resources available for you. We have Recover for you, wife. We also have Recover for couples.” Be sure to be kind to yourself, and do things that bring you joy and peace. Whether that is nature walks, working out, painting or listening to music while bathing in a hot tub. Take care of you. – Michelle
Recover
I encourage you to seek help from our Recover workshops! You are not on this journey alone. Be sure to watch the last episode of eXXXamine. I believe that Michelle’s story will bless you with wisdom and encouragement! Please send us an email and let us know what you think! We love hearing from you.
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