When you’re the wife of a husband addicted to porn, chances are that you wonder if something is wrong with you. I certainly did. In fact, here’s an excerpt from my book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, about just that:

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something I could have done differently.  Maybe I could have been skinnier, blonder, nicer, funnier, dare I say it, even a little naughtier in the bedroom.  Would that have worked for him?  Would that have kept him from cheating on me?

Battling that issue was something I truly did:  Battle.  I spent days on end wondering what was wrong with me.  Finally, it dawned on me that nothing was wrong with me.  Not claiming perfection by any means, but I realized that as Chris disclosed more information about his addiction that he was even addicted during the days when I was pleased with myself physically.  The days where I could put on a bikini and not even have to hold my abs in.  The days when everything was in place and completely perked up, if you know what I mean.  So, as I pushed through this pain with him, I began to slowly free myself from this unnecessary burden that was put upon me by me.  But it was far from easy.  It was a daily, mental battle that I faced and quite frankly, still face today.  (Chapter 4)

I’m in no way saying that I didn’t participate in the demise of my marriage. I did. I’ve always said that it takes two to make a marriage work and two to make a marriage fail. Granted, the things I did and said and didn’t do and didn’t say weren’t as obvious as my husband’s, but they were there.

What I am saying is that the pornography monster that seems to overtake a person’s mind is no respecter of persons. It doesn’t care if the addict is married to a perfect size 6 model look-a-like or a woman who seems to constantly battle with those extra 20 or 30 pounds.

My encouragement to you as a wife is twofold:  Care for your body because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19) and allow God to show you what true beauty is (1 Tim. 4:8). Looking good for your husband is a great thing. I try to do that because I want my husband to know he’s worth the effort. But, I must also remind myself that true beauty comes from within.

It’s a fine line to walk but with prayer, seeking God in His Word and a desire for pure motives, I’m confident you’ll find peace in your journey.

You can find Cindy’s book Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken here. If you as a wife are working on healing from your husbands struggle with sexual sin this is an amazing book to pick up.