The movie Captain Marvel is a story of identity. There is a pivotal scene in the movie where Captain Marvel is confronted with a truth that flips her world on its head. She is then asked which side in the war she is going to take.

To which she responds, “I don’t even know who I am.”

How relatable is this scene to many of our lives? When we are confronted with the truth of our spouse’s addiction, our world is flipped on its head.
All the things we thought to be true turned out to be lies. This deception causes us to question everything. It breaks down the trust we had in our spouse and, unfortunately, our own identity.
Betrayal is a direct attack on our identity.
As the scene unfolds in the Captain Marvel movie, her best friend responds with, “I know who you are.” And proceeds to unload truth to her about her REAL identity.
Sometimes you just need someone who will speak truth into your identity, especially after betrayal trauma.
Will you allow me to show you some truth about YOUR identity?
  • You are NOT your spouse’s addiction. 
  • This addiction is NOT your fault.
  • You ARE made with purpose, and it is greater than this trauma.
  • There IS hope for you.
  • You ARE strong; full of power, love, and right thinking.
  • Your mind IS sound.
  • God IS faithful.
  • God CAN heal a broken heart. 
  • God IS near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
  • You ARE loved.
  • You ARE important, so important that Jesus thought you are worth dying for.
  • You ARE worth fighting for.
Our identity cannot be based on things that change, otherwise, our identity will change with it. Basing our identity on the unchanging Word of God and what it says about who we are is truly the only safe option.

If you believed you are perfect because your marriage is perfect, what happens when you find out about your spouse’s affair?

If you believe you are a good parent because your child acts correctly in front of you, what happens when you find out about your child’s secret sin?
There is a multitude of situations or relationships we base our identity on. I did it (and probably still do in some areas of my life). But when my life crashed down around me with the trauma of betrayal I lost more than trust in my spouse.

I lost myself.

I lost what I thought I was: the wife to a faithful man. I lost my identity because my marriage was my identity. I was only as good as how well my marriage was going.
I have been in recovery for years, yet I feel like I am only just beginning to see who I truly am. Through these years, I am seeing my old identity burn into a heap of ashes to find my new identity rising from the smoke like a Phoenix.
There is beauty in this death. I am finding who I am and loving her with as much grace as I have.
But death is always painful and some days are harder than others. That’s why I have people in my life that I can trust.

I have my community who will always point me to my real identity when I forget. I have my God and I have His Word. 

One last thing Captain Marvel teaches us is hope in the midst of lies.
At the end of the movie, Captain Marvel confronts the lies she has been told. As she does this she has an epic line, “This whole time I have been living with one hand tied behind my back. Think about what I can do with two.” 

This scene exposes the truth about lies: They hinder us.

So, are you going to let the lies of trauma be your identity? Will you live hindered the rest of your life?
The hard work is trusting in the absolute truth of who you are, found only in God’s Word. But the choice is, and has always been, yours alone.
Today, I am going to do the hard work because I just never know who is on the other side of my healing. How about you?