When someone you love has done something that takes away the trust you had in them; what do you do? When Brian came out and told me about his addiction to pornography all the trust that we shared went right out the window. How could I trust someone who has kept secrets from and was doing things that put so much in jeopardy? Our marriage, our house, his job, and the children. How could I trust him anymore?
Is trust something you have to earn from someone or is it a gift that someone gives to you?
This is a question I have pondered numerous times in our journey through recovery. When he said he had to work late tonight was it because he had work to do or was it that he was going to be looking at porn? Did his work even get done?
After talking it over with Brian I began to see that trust is a gift you give someone. I have not yet given all of my trust back yet, but slowly bit by bit I give it back to him. It has been a long road with many questions that have come up. What is he doing when he gets out of bed in the middle of the night? What is he doing on the internet and then gets jumpy when I ask him what he is doing?
What I have come to relize is that I need to give him room to grow into the strong man that God intended him to be. This might mean that I have to live on the edge for a little bit and continue to believe in the Lord and his plan for the both of us. Sometimes it is hard sleeping at night, but I need to be open and trust in the Lord and in myself.
If your husband is going through recovery you need as the wife need to begin the healing process as well. Please visit our friends at Partners for Purity. They are women who have been in your shoes at one time or another and get what you are going through.
Please feel free to contact Brian or myself at [email protected]