Tom spies a note on the counter  “Went to run a few errands, be home around 6 and I have a surprise for you…xoxo” A smile creeps across Tom’s face, but not because of the hugs and kisses nor the surprise, but because he knows he has 45 minutes to visit his favorite solo-girl website before his wife gets home.

She arrives home later and surprises him by cooking his favorite meal.  She then softly whispers “meet me in the bedroom” with a wink and sly grin.  As Tom enters the chamber of marital bliss he hears his lover softly giggle.  She enters the bedroom shortly after, primped, primed, and provocatively dressed in an outfit she purchased strictly for his benefit.  Tom is unable to fully enjoy his wife’s seduction, however, because he is too ashamed. All he can do is picturing his favorite internet girl the whole time. But who can he tell, who can he talk to, where can he get help?

The truth is scenes similar to this one play out in millions of homes everyday; men who genuinely love their wives and have good marriages cannot help but imagine their pretend porn girlfriends.  They feel isolated, helpless, guilty, and embarrassed.  It would be easier for the common man to admit he’s an alcoholic than a porn addict.  The pejorative stigma attached to pornography addiction is quite real and very crippling.  But why?

As has been mentioned on this very site many times, porn is a billion dollar industry.  We can look at these numbers and instantly know that millions upon millions of people use porn including teachers, pastors, police officers, doctors, CEO’s and even famous actors and actresses.  So, why then is porn still considered America’s dirty little secret?  

It is my belief that people still do not have a true awareness of just how mesmerizing and enslaving pornographic addiction truly is.  They don’t understand the chemical addiction nor are they aware that porn producers spend millions of dollars on market research in order to lure people in…to trap them.  As Craig Gross once said, why do you think many of these sites offer free three day trials?  They know that after just a few looks, just some “innocent” glances, and just one little step in the quicksand that you are stuck; consequently, they are counting on you being too ashamed, too selfish and too embarrassed to ever cry out for help.  Slowly but surely you sink deeper and deeper…

So, how does one combat this type of foe?  By talking about it.  Whether by phone or email or carrier pidgin you need to tell someone.  You can even use outlets like X3 watch to help broach the subject or even this very blog.  Breaking the barrier of shame is the first step in achieving victory not only over porn addiction but over superficial, meaningless relationships in general. Because if you can’t be yourself, then who are you?

And if you are not the porn addict but the confesee, don’t judge.  Offer help, offer hope and offer a hand out of the quicksand.