We couldn’t believe Zsa Zsa Gabor’s quote, “I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” How crazy! We both were virgins until our wedding night, and over the years we have both commented on awesome our sex life is and how we believe it’s because we obeyed God’s beautiful design for sex by waiting until we had entered that covenant relationship. Todd’s virginity was the greatest gift he gave me and I to him; we’re so thankful to not have to deal with baggage from previous relationships. Now, after 15+ years of marriage, we desire each other increasingly more and rock each other’s worlds. Our God is an awesome God–He gave us the gift of sex to enjoy one another in marriage, the only place where sex is safe! God even placed a whole book in the Bible to be focused on sexual intimacy (check out Song of Songs, also known as Song of Solomon). God created sex to be full of beauty, passion and eroticism within the safety and love of the marriage relationship. God even tells married people to “not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer,” (1 Cor. 7: 5). Sex in marriage is at least as an important as prayer! Within marriage, we are free to fully embrace and explore our sexuality. God’s boundaries are always for our best, and the only boundary God put on sex is that is a gift to be treasured only between a husband and a wife. All other sex can lead to broken relationships, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and generally broken people. Check out what God has to say on sex in Proverbs 5:
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly,” (18-23).
We’re sure that some people out there would disagree with the brokenness that extra-marital sex brings. I want to boldly add that it not only causes brokenness, but is often also caused by brokenness. It could be lack of love and security from family that a teen is trying to achieve through sex. It could be an attempt to obtain acceptance or to make onesself feel good because down deep inside the person feels inadequate or rejected. The only way we have experienced this brokenness personally was through Todd’s addiction to pornography—it was caused by brokenness and led to brokenness. Yet, God is bigger! Similarly, in our extended family, there have been extra-marital affairs because the marriage relationships were being neglected. In these cases, the pain (to both spouses) that was caused by the sexual sin was “not worth it,” not worth the fleeting moments of pleasure. Again, God is greater! Verse 10 in 1 Peter is so true: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” When we confess our sins, specifically sexual sins since that’s what this blog is about, and repent of them (that means, turn from them and do what is right), God strengthens and restores. We have experienced this personally and are still amazed by it! It is only God who has such grace & power to work what Satan intends for destruction for building stronger, more Christ-like people and marriages.
Mae West said, “Sex is emotion in motion.” We agree—it’s either selfish, passionate lust, or it’s beautiful, passionate, selfless love. One destroys while the other builds relationship. Which one do you choose?