My husband was addicted to porn for six years of our marriage. The devastation became clearer and clearer as the years went on while I mutated into someone I did not recognize.
My husband was not the man that I thought I married. Our marriage was crumbling.
I finally had enough and made him choose: our family or porn.
Maybe this story sounds way too familiar. Maybe this is the exact same situation you find yourself in today.
You feel hopeless and with few options.
You see, I didn’t have a large community around me that truly understood what I was going through, let alone one that would give valid advice to move forward. But thankfully the one person that did ‘get it’ was our pastor.
Yup, you read that right, our pastor! He was able to talk to my husband and me in a way that made sense, and he was able to get us connected with helpful resources that serves as a lifeline for our marriage.
This is why we need leaders who can freely talk about this stuff and not shirk away from it. It’s the difference between feeling lost and alone vs. connected and hopeful.
I know this is not the story for so many of you struggling in the midst of being married to an addict. I know that some of you have received horrible advice from people around you or from people in the church.
This journey can be incredibly lonely and feel shameful.
Sometimes it may seem as though you will never have the marriage you once wished for and you’ll never escape the emotions of despair and insecurity. You may even be wondering if you’ll ever be able to trust anyone ever again after the person you were supposed to be closest to has seemingly betrayed you.
I get it.
After my husband was in true recovery, I was struggling. I experienced major trauma, like you have, no doubt.
Even though I saw my husband’s change, I still felt stuck. I didn’t know it at that point, but I needed a group around me that could help me realize the real impact this betrayal had on me.
I felt so alone and could not lift myself out of it.
But that does not have to be the place you set up camp to die.
There is hope.
There is healing.
There is reconciliation.
That is why we do what we do at XXXChurch, Live Free Community, and Live Free Wives. We know there needs to be a community available to tangibly help people. Not one that just talks about the issue or simply tells you what is right and wrong, but one that is there to walk you through the pain and reconciliation process.
That is what we are building here…
Real communities that not only talk about the problems, but rally around you, pray for you, offer helpful resources, hold you accountable, and journey beside you.
We offer people a real church.
I know firsthand what it’s like to try to heal alone. It just CAN’T be done. We need community.
Jesus lived in community. God created us for community.
When we are at one of the lowest parts of our lives, we need people around us who can pull us up out of the muck and offer some dry ground to stand on.
After being in a group, seeing a counselor, and truly laying it all at the feet of Jesus, I am doing so much better now than ever before.
I no longer have constant feelings of not being good enough.
I am able to speak up when I need to.
And I now know my worth is far more than just what I can offer sexually.
Through the Live Free Wives Community (that I lead) I am able to share my story and offer a helping hand to women going through what I went through. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a child of God.
Community helped make that happen.
If you haven’t made that first step into a community, please do it. I know it may seem overwhelming and scary. But I can honestly say that I have never heard one woman state that she regretted joining a community that understands. If anything, I have heard “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”